The lighter side of life – staying in touch with friends and family by celebrating the ordinary.
We are extremely excited to have found our parents a new house within 2 blocks of my brother’s home. It’s the perfect 1-story with a fully finished basement and doesn’t need any remodeling or anything. And it’s only 2 blocks from family! Their offer was accepted yesterday.
My mom has asked me to provide some advice about handling the logistics of a move. She probably asked me because I’m the smartest of her children (haha, not). She actually asked me because I’ve moved 25 times in my adult life. (That is the real number, no exaggeration, if you don’t believe me I’ll send you a list of all 25 houses.)
Which also, by the way, clearly demonstrates that I am indeed the dumbest of my siblings, in case you were considering taking issue with that fact. Who in their right mind moves 25 times? And that’s not counting all the times my parents dragged me from state to state during my childhood. I guess they got me into the habit of it.
Anyway, here’s how to have a smooth move.
Step One: Find some friends and family to help you. Distinguish between planner/organizer types vs. implementer/carry-boxes types. Don’t ask the one to accomplish the other. That’s just setting everyone up for failure.
Step Two: Get rid of everything you can. This involves an enormous number of rapid decisions as you go through your stuff. Repetitive decisions are best made with clear criteria. I use a few brief questions for myself.
The first one is fairly obvious. If you’re just going to have to buy it again, keep it.
The second one depends a bit on your personality. A recently popular show about decluttering, which I’ve been hearing about but have never watched, apparently uses the question “Does it bring you joy?”
If you are an emotions-based person, “Does it bring joy?” is probably a really enlightening question. My own preferred question is, “Is it the best of the best?” That question gets to about the same thing, but it is more of an evaluative-judgmental question. When I’m tired and stressed, I’m definitely more of an evaluative person than I am in tune with my emotions. The question about joy would just make me grumpy. (Sorry world, but I’m not feeling joy right now!) My husband is even more evaluative than I am, so we’re going with “best of the best.”
The other advantage of “best of the best” is you can pretend you’re shopping. It’s like picking the best things out of a store and putting them in your shopping cart – pick the best things out of your house.
The third criteria, “Would somebody else like it better than you do?” I threw in there because, Mom, I want that pressed tin picture of a house, tree and sun I made when I was a kid, that you have hanging in your stairway. LOL! 😉 My artistic talent peaked when I was in second grade. No, seriously, if you imagine someone else loving the item more than you do, it’s easier to give it up.
It’s really useful to notice the difference between fondness due to familiarity vs something you genuinely like. Would you like the item if you saw it for the first time today?
That’s not to say that memories aren’t important. They are. And items that genuinely help you remember, like photographs, special gifts, or family heirlooms, can enrich our lives.
Keep a few things that are strongly attached in your mind to people in your life whom you love.
But a lot of items that we feel an attachment to is only because we’re familiar with the items, and we wouldn’t really miss them if we no longer had them.
Get rid of everything that “might be useful someday, ” or “the lid might turn up.” Uh no. Shoe lace collections, rubber band collections, spare hoses in the garage, bits of lumber, books you’ve already read, magazines you will never read, scarves you don’t like, containers that aren’t half as good as tupperware, the cheap glass vases that come from the florists, the fraying placemats, the throw rugs that not even the dogs like, rags (how many rags do you really need?), cleaning supplies that are no longer part of your daily routine, stuff that’s been in your pantry for an embarrassing number of years, paperwork from three houses ago, anything that belongs to your kids but they don’t want it so you’re keeping it…
What if you know you should get rid of something, but just can’t do it? Sort those items into boxes marked as such, and designate them for storage. Wait for awhile and see if you actually miss them.
Now let’s talk about boxes for a minute. First of all, buy boxes, don’t scrounge for them. I know they cost some money, but it’s so much better to have standard sizes because they stack a lot better. And scrounging is too much work and there’s no time for that. I get mine at Home Depot, Lowes, or Amazon (yes, they ship boxes). Get small and medium sizes, don’t get the big ones, it’s too easy to overpack them and they’ll be too heavy.
Sit down with your organizer/planner type of friends and family and devise a coding system for your boxes. I recommend labeling on all 4 sides and the top of each box, and you’ll want codes so you don’t end up writing a book on each box. If you don’t label all the sides, you’re going to spend a lot of time moving boxes off each other in order to try to find the one spot on the lower boxes that actually says what the box is.
Even more important than what’s in the box is, “What room does it go in?” Once it’s narrowed down by room, you can generally find your stuff. Assuming you know the layout of the house you are moving into, make a code for each room (LR, K, Bth1, Bth2, Bed1, Bed2, etc.). Put that code on all 4 sides plus the top of each box. If you want to make long lists of contents, fine, but it’ll slow you down.
You will also want a code for things you don’t need immediately. It’s highly annoying to have non-essentials piled in your way when you’re desperately trying to find the toilet paper and the coffee maker on that first morning. When packing your kitchen, first pack essentials (coffee maker, toaster, can opener), then pack basics (plates, cups), then pack the weird stuff in the way back part of your cabinet you can’t reach.
Don’t pack your weird stuff in the same box as your essentials. Have a code to distinguish boxes that you probably won’t need until winter (sweaters), or someday when you have some free time (hobbies). In addition to marking those boxes as non-essential or not needed immediately, also mark them for the 3rd bedroom or garage or wherever is out of the way in your new home. You can deal with those later!
Don’t move bulky garage/shed garbage items that are either dangerous or just not worth a lot of money. Pack your choice tools and get rid of the potting soil, fertilizer, paint, paint remover, landscape fabric, sprinkler heads, lumber, and all the rest of the random stuff in there that you thought you’d use someday. Please note which items are hazardous and look on your city website for directions for hazardous waste drop off. Don’t leave anything for the new owners except possibly paint, and then only if it’s clearly labeled which room it’s for. I know you salvaged that perfectly good lumber, but they don’t want it.
How to pack difficult items:
Keep your hanging clothes on their hangers. If you can afford it, buy wardrobe boxes. If not, buy tall kitchen garbage bags with built-in ties. Poke a small hole in the bottom of the bags, turn them upside down, and stick a group of hangers through the hole, and tie at the bottom under the clothes. I do about 5-10 hanging items per bag, depending on the size of the bag. Heavyweight yard cleanup bags hold up better than kitchen garbage bags.
Buy rolls of stretch plastic designed for packing. Make sure the rolls have handles or it will be a real nuisance to work with. This is available in the moving section of Home Depot, Lowes, or online at Amazon. It’s very useful. John gets a little crazy with it and would wrap every item and every box with plastic if he could. But it is handy for tasks like keeping rugs rolled up, and grouping items that have several, awkward sized parts. For example, if you’re moving rakes & shovels, it does a good job of keeping them together, without using tape, which leaves a residue. It will keep you from losing your vacuum cleaner parts, etc.
I wrap most items in paper before putting them into the boxes. I buy the paper at the same places as the rest of my moving supplies. One year, many years ago, when I was young, poor, and newsprint was ubiquitous, I used newspapers. It took years to get the newsprint off all my stuff! Also, don’t buy paper in rolls, it takes too long to spool off. It should be in stacks of large sheets like this:
Use several sheets at one time, don’t separate them into individual sheets. I don’t think bubble wrap is necessary. I just use lots of paper. Also paper recycles better – plastic is a scourge on the environment.
Once you’re ready to start packing, get a pod! https://www.pods.com/ These are cheap to rent and amazingly handy. They drop your pod off in your driveway, and you keep it as long as you want. You can add boxes a few at a time so your house doesn’t become unlivable as you’re packing. Pack and load your essentials last – not only will you have them until the day you leave, they will be first to unload at your new home. When you’re done loading it they pick it up and take it to your new house for you!
Or if your new house isn’t quite ready yet, they store it for you for as long as you need. You can also take your time unloading at your new house. It’s the easiest affordable way to move. Just make sure you pack your items well, because the trip may not be quite as cushioned with shock absorbers as a commercial moving van.
Happy moving!
As you know, John and I are apart during the work week. This weekend I was in California, so we haven’t seen each other for a week. As you can imagine, we tend to get a bit behind on communication. John’s aware that I have some new ideas about job changes and moving that we haven’t had a chance to talk about yet. He’s probably worrying about what crazy idea I came up with this time.
I called him at lunch today, but he was in a meeting. When he called me back, I only had about 7 minutes before my next meeting. So we were quickly exchanging news highlights – no time for an actual discussion.
I said, “We’re going to bid on a house tomorrow.” There was a slight pause. Then he somewhat hesitantly asked, “Where?” I said, “It’s only 2 blocks from Steven’s house!” At which point he said, with evident relief, “Oh, you mean for your parents.” Yeah? He said, “I thought you meant you and I were going to buy a house tomorrow.” LOL!
I love that he thinks I’d bid on a house for us without him even knowing where. At the moment we don’t even know what state we’re going to move to, much less what city, much less which several-block area!
But I’ll give you a hint – I’ve gone and gotten yet another real estate agent, which I only do when I’m considering an area that I haven’t considered before.
Hi, just a quick post to let you know that as of the past week or so, things are starting to improve. As you know, it’s been a rough couple of months for me (winter is not good for my health). But hopefully soon it will be warm and light enough in the morning to start jogging again.
Meanwhile, my brother Steven’s visit last week provided a welcome change of pace. I will post pictures soon. And I’m going to see Laura this week! I’m very excited about the upcoming trip.
Also, finally, finally, we have a new section manager (I have a new boss). My last boss quit suddenly in November, and interviews were back in December. Finally the new boss was announced a couple days ago.
Yes, I had applied for the position, and no, I didn’t get it, and yes, I’m actually happy about that. The longer we went without anyone in that position, the more apparent it became to me that I didn’t want it. It’s a challenging job, so this is actually a relief.
Also it frees me up for other options. If I had gotten the promotion, I would have felt obliged to stay for awhile. And that might not be my best option. John and I are still working out how to handle our jobs and living situation – he is working far too many hours and traveling frequently, and I’m working up in Santa Fe. I think we need to seriously think about what we actually want out of life as a couple.
Changes ahead!!
After 2 years of trying, it looks like John and I may not be buying a house soon after all. Not in Placitas, or North Valley, or Corrales, or Santa Fe.
Back in late 2016, when we returned to New Mexico, we had been thinking we’d be here for awhile. We planned to work a few more years until retirement, and then stay in New Mexico for a couple of more years past that, while we took our time to travel around a bit and decide where to retire.
Then you know the long and difficult story since 2016. We just could not figure out where to live in New Mexico. First we were going to remodel the existing house in Placitas. Then we got under contract for a different house in Placitas (down off the hill and out of the wind). Then we had second thoughts about Placitas altogether.
We tried to buy in Santa Fe when I got the job up there, but we couldn’t find anything affordable, and ended up getting just a small townhome that we figured would end up as a rental once I moved out of it. We then seriously considered a house in Corrales (down close the the river & trees) and were also looking in the North Valley for the same reason (river & trees).
Then we tried again to buy a house in Santa Fe recently and got outbid.
It was just too discouraging. Somehow this is just not coming together!
We did manage to buy 3 rentals in Albuquerque in 2017, which was very stressful but so far has worked out fine. And we’re quite happy with the rental we bought near my job in Santa Fe that I’m still occupying.
But as far as our own house together – to replace our home in California – we’ve just been striking out. And I can’t believe it’s been two and a half years since we moved out of California.
We still plan to put the Placitas house on the market on May 1, because it’s become clear that it’s not what we’re looking for in the long run. But it’s anybody’s guess where we’re going to be living next. Possibly occupying one of our rentals in Albuquerque – which seems like the simplest option.
There’s no one, clear, guaranteed way to achieve our current goal of figuring out how to pursue our careers while living together in the same house. Which is how I found myself, yesterday, interviewing with the Village of Corrales in the morning and bidding on a house in Santa Fe in the afternoon. We weren’t going to implement both – the house in Santa Fe is too far from the job in Corrales. If I got the job, we’d back out of the purchase of the house, if we went with the house, I wouldn’t accept the job. It was going to be one or the other. Or as it turns out, neither.
I did not do well in the interview. They wanted far more knowledge about the village than I possess. Either they already had a favored internal candidate and biased the questions toward him or her (quite likely), or they simply wanted us to have done a lot more homework than I had managed to do. They also annoyed me by refusing to answer any of my questions about the job, which I did not think was a respectful way to treat a candidate. An interview is for both sides to assess mutual suitability, not just for their own assessment. So I would not accept the job even if it were offered, because I don’t want to work for them.
I was not particularly disappointed about the job. It was just a waste of a morning and a bit of an annoyance. Luckily, I really do like my current job, and I love my team and don’t want to leave them. The primary reason I applied for the Corrales job is that it is a lot closer to John’s job. And there are some nice houses in the north valley (along the river), that are somewhat affordable.
Meanwhile, the previous evening we had bid on a house in Santa Fe. By yesterday afternoon there were multiple offers, and they called for “highest & best” (final bids). We looked at the house again and studied our comps (prices of comparable houses that had sold). I was confident that the house was under priced (unless the market goes down in the future, which is hard to predict). Even though we bid over list price, apparently we did not bid high enough, because our bid was not chosen.
This was a disappointment for me because I really loved the house. It was a block from the major bike trails that go through the town, which we love to use for biking, jogging and walking the dogs. Even better, it was also a block from the train station! The train goes from central Santa Fe down to Albuquerque. I could have walked to the station every day and taken it one stop north to my job, and John could have taken it south all the way down to Albuquerque. The house was also pretty inside, with a large backyard.
John wasn’t as impressed with the house as I was (which is why we didn’t bid even higher). So maybe it’s a good thing we didn’t get it.
However, it leaves me with lingering anxiety, because we aren’t on the same page about what we want in a house. It’s hard for me to be optimistic about finding something that we’d both like. We can’t just buy something that has the attributes that he wants as well as the attributes that I want, because they are contradictory. I want to live in town, close to everything, and he wants to live out in a rural area.
The first house we bought together, in Albuquerque, was a compromise, but in the end, neither of us was happy with it. The suburban neighborhood lacked the “vibe” that I like, and was predominately older people with a different political and social culture as my own. It also was an annoyingly slow drive, through dozens of stoplights, to get into the main part of town. I didn’t like being way out on the edge of town. But for John, it wasn’t far enough out, and he chafed at having neighbors right next to us on both sides, even though we had managed to find a house with open space behind it.
Since returning to New Mexico we’ve been oscillating and without a clear direction of what to do next. Then I found a job in Santa Fe that further complicated everything. We are missing a clear, united goal, and are failing to imagine a specific solution that we could then implement.
A few weekends ago I had a short bout of fairly bad depression (I cried for about 4 days). A couple of things have come out of that. First, I’ve been exercising more, which definitely helps. Secondly, John has come up with a potential improvement to the 2-house problem. It’s not a perfect solution. There is no perfect solution because our jobs are 70 miles apart.
Earlier this fall I was looking for houses near the river in Albuquerque. The river valley is the most beautiful area of New Mexico, in my opinion. It’s green in the spring and summer, and in the fall the trees are beautiful. Those areas are within a short commuting distance from John’s job, but is too far for me to commute to my current job. I would have to find a new job.
I feel confident about my ability to find a new job, but I like my current job. And I also feel a certain responsibility to my team. And I’ve had a lot of jobs I haven’t liked. I know I can find a job, but can I find another job I like?
So now John is advocating an area called Eldorado. It’s a flat, brown, desert mesa outside of Santa Fe. He likes it because there’s long walking trails that we appreciate for jogging, dog walking, and biking. Also it’s rural; most of the roads are dirt, and the lot sizes are mostly 1-2 acres. Eldorado is actually a lot like Placitas except flatter, and it doesn’t have the big expensive homes. It’s an affordable section of Santa Fe because there’s no trees; it’s not in the foothills to the east of Santa Fe, nor is it close-in near the Old Town Plaza where all the rich celebrities with big second homes want to be.
Here’s an example of how Eldorado looks from above:
In contrast, here’s how the North Valley and Corrales looks along the river;
Here’s a random screenshot of Eldorado in google street view. Of course that’s summertime; the absolute greenest it gets. It’s just all brown now.
I don’t find it inspiring, but the main problem is that Eldorado is 70 miles from where John works. At first he was thinking he could do that commute, and I’m like, no. Hell no. That’s almost 3 hours on the freeway each day. There’s no way. He’s going to need to have somewhere to stay in Albuquerque for mid-week.
If we do still need to have 2 houses, we have realized it makes more sense for the main house to be near my job than near his. For one thing, he is more comfortable with a certain amount of commuting than I am. He also lives out of a suitcase better than I do. I seem to think I need an entire closetful of clothes, matching shoes, matching jewelry, matching scarves, and matching coats for the week, and I’m still missing things. I also seem to need an entire kitchen full of fresh organic food and multiple small kitchen appliances. He eats cereal with sunflower butter.
So we’re thinking that if we can get his vehicles and garage tools into the same house as my wardrobe and kitchen gadgets, we’ll actually feel like we’re living together. Unfortunately, when buying my townhome in Santa Fe, it didn’t occur to me to prioritize garage space. So that’s where Eldorado comes in. Lots of space to park the boat, the camper van, the 4Runner, the old truck, and the Mini, and all the mysterious stuff that’s in his garage in Placitas.
I still just want to move to Mexico, but he is not currently taking me seriously when I say that. I’m probably not taking myself seriously when I say that either. We can’t afford to retire in this country and move to Austin or Tucson or somewhere warm and be done with the rat race. The main problem is that his pension doesn’t come with medical coverage. And medical is such a wild card in the US. You can’t budget for it.
Meanwhile, we’re still slowly looking for that perfect home. We’ve not managed to get settled since moving back to New Mexico over 2 years ago.
The north valley, which is on the west side of Albuquerque, is one of the most beautiful neighborhoods in all of New Mexico. It’s down along the river, and is irrigated, and has a lot more trees than the typical high desert of New Mexico.
The challenges are a real mix of houses, many old, run-down, and unconventional (crazy layouts, funny mix of styles, etc.). Also there are million dollar homes next to junkyards. Like, literal junkyards with chained pit bulls.
Some of the older houses have irrigation wells in addition to city water. I have a self-sufficiency streak and would love to have both a producing garden when I retire. I would probably also want to install solar panels, which we spend an enormous amount of money installing on the Placitas house during the brief period when we thought we would stay there. Argh.
Most of these homes are more expensive than we’d actually be comfortable spending. But it was a beautiful fall day. Enjoy the pics!
Whadda mean, there’s weeds growing up through the window? What does that even mean? Tenants say the darndest things. But then John was saying the same thing. Bindweed growing in the window. In the window? Outside the window? No, in the window, like, through the window sill. Through the window?
Well, bindweed is an insane plant. It’s indestructible. But I still couldn’t picture the problem until John sent a picture.
Uh, yeah. I’m not meaning to be a slumlord here. I thought I’ve seen it all, but I’ve never seen this. Not sure what to do about it either!
This video was taken at one of our rentals, through a hole the plumber cut in a closet wall into the hall bathroom, in order to access the open space behind the shower/tub faucets. It may take a second to realize what you are looking at, but yes, there is really THAT MUCH WATER running inside our rental. It’s like a mountain stream. Where is it going? We don’t actually know for sure. Under the house and away somewhere.
That is actually the lower cost of the two leaks, because it’s accessible. The other one, which has not been accessed yet, is going to require jackhammering through the cement slab. That’s the one that’s going to be very expensive. When done with that fix, we’ll have to repair the slab and retile the bathroom floor.
These leaks are both off the hot water line leaving the hot water heater. I do not understand why there’s two leaks at once. Was there one leak for a long time, and we just didn’t realize it until there was a second one? Are there even more leaks, and we just don’t know about it because they aren’t making the hot water heater run continuously like these two were?