Someone had written somewhere, “My muse has covid.” And yes, that’s me, that’s the thing I keep thinking, except my muse got cancer in a covid world. I’ve been considering taking a break from this blog for a couple of reasons. For one, I’m not funny anymore. I’VE BECOME BORING! Some of you may think I was always boring, but seriously, I’m more boring than I used to be.
I think it was not cancer nor covid that stole my muse; I think it was chemo. My brain is slower. I have less pizazz than I used to. Less sassy, less irony, less poke-at-the-world and smile.
Instead, I’m sad. I’m anxious. My old demons haunt me more than they have for years. It makes it hard for me to produce the light, slightly funny, wirily amusing blog that I’d like to produce.
Meanwhile I could plod ahead, unfunnily posting determinedly, even if no one reads it anymore, and be grateful that I am, at least, mostly coherent, and for now, at least, definitely still alive.
No posts for 10 days, did you miss me? Well, you knew I was moving.
Today is Wednesday, fasting day. On one hand, I dread Wednesdays because it’s a bummer to be hungry all day. But I try to make up for it by making it an easier day for myself. I don’t have any clients (usually) on Wednesdays and I give myself a free pass to sit around and not work too hard on anything.
Although the reality today is I probably won’t manage to do a lot of sitting around this particular Wednesday. We moved on Saturday, and we’ve encountered a variety of hiccups (as moves usually do). I do not yet even have basics such as my clothes and the dishes unpacked. I’m fairly motivated to get my clothes and dishes available, so I may not do as much lazing around as I otherwise would today.
If you didn’t read why I’m fasting once a week, it’s for cancer prevention. That post is here, and the video is here.
I will tell you all about our move in the upcoming posts, but before I do that, I want to write a catch-up post about our trip to Taos over a month ago. Lots of nice pictures. Hopefully I’ll get that one posted tomorrow, then I can start on the tale of our moving adventure. More soon!
(This post contains a certain amount of medical detail – possibly “too much information” for some people – colon cancer can be sort of disgusting.)
I promised to post the results of my latest cancer screening. It generally looks good. There’s no obvious cancer, but there are a few worrying points. My white blood cell count has declined again, for no known reason, which seems to me like a bad sign, but may or may not mean anything. I also have a lot of cysts, which appear to be benign, but the radiologist is going to take another look and do a comparison with an older scan from Boston that they didn’t initially have here in Albuquerque.
From what I understand, it’s not that the cancer might come back – it’s that it might not have ever been fully gone. And we can’t really detect it until it’s been long enough that it’s growing tumors.
I didn’t know much about cancer until I got it. There’s so many different kinds, and they’re all really different. My kind is relatively slow growing, but apparently it’s not very responsive to chemotherapy, and can be hard to beat.
There are two different scenarios for it showing back up again. More cancer could grow in my colon. That would simply be another instance of what I had before, and would be treated in the same way – a small polyp would be removed during a colonoscopy, and a larger tumor would be removed with surgery.
My next colonoscopy will be early next year at the end of February or early March. Not sure if I’ll get that done in Albuquerque or Tucson, but they’re routine and easy to get done anywhere.
If the cancer showed up in the exact same spot as before (ie, if they didn’t get it all and it regrew), the surgery would be difficult and I would probably lose at least some bowel function, and have a colostomy bag at least temporarily if not permanently. That’s because it’s located at the junction of my colon and rectum, and I’d end up losing too much rectal muscle. Not a good scenario! I only barely managed to avoid that fate during this first go-around. I did lose some rectal muscle during the surgery, and didn’t know for the first few months how much function I would regain as the surgery healed. I now thankfully function nearly normally. I never thought I’d be so grateful for being able to poop! (And not poop.) Yay for pooping on command!
The second scenario would be if the cancer showed up somewhere else. The most likely locations would be in my liver or lungs. If it showed up somewhere else, then it’s stage 4, metastasized, and that would likely be fatal. So we’re keeping a close eye on my liver and lungs.
For some reason my liver has a lot of cysts, including a large one. The cysts were first noticed in Boston when we went out there for the surgery. I hadn’t had any scans done before the diagnosis that I know of, so I have no idea how long I’ve had them. It could have been forever. Apparently some people are just that way and it doesn’t necessarily mean anything. We believe they’re benign but we need to watch to make sure they aren’t growing.
I also have a few small cysts in my lungs, possibly damage from when I had pneumonia as a child. But we also need to watch them, to make sure they’re benign. My Albuquerque clinic didn’t scan my lungs when they did my previous scan in April (they should have). We had to get the scan from February that was done in Boston as a comparison point, so now we are waiting for the radiologist to look at that.
I’m also having a lot of lower back or pelvic pain. It’s not new – I think I occasionally had it even last year. But it’s significantly worse recently. It could be muscular, but it sort of feels intestinal to me. I’ve decided to quit drinking coffee, to see if that helps. I had recently increased my coffee intake (decaffeinated) because John read that it might help with cancer, and we figured it couldn’t hurt. Except now I have this ache – who knows if it’s related. I’ll just have to experiment.
I’m also very tired and sleeping a lot. I suppose I may be still recovering from the surgery and chemo. I wonder how long I’ll still be so tired? I seem to be less energetic than a month or two ago. I remember our hike in Utah and wonder how I even managed. I don’t feel like I could do that now.
There’s no point worrying though, because there’s not much I can do at this point. The cancer is either going to show up again or it’s not. All I know to do at this point is the weekly fasting, which I am doing for 36 hours once a week. Fasting is no fun, but I hope it helps.
Maybe I’m fine. Maybe packing for Tucson is just taking more energy than I realize. This is what my house here in Albuquerque looks like right now.
It’s pretty overwhelming. I get stressed out when my place isn’t neat and tidy. But soon I hope to be relaxing in my new backyard in Tucson while the winter winds howl in Albuquerque.
Sorry about all the gloom and doom recently. It’s been a hard year, but it still had its bright spots. I’ll post a more cheerful one next time, I promise.
Also as a follow-up to my recent post about fasting, I fasted again yesterday and it went well (it’s not fun to be hungry, of course, but it’s survivable). I’ve decided to fast regularly on Thursdays. The reason, if you missed that post, is because fasting can help kill cancer cells. And don’t worry about me missing a day’s worth of food. I think I already made up the calories today! Fruit-cabbage-carrot smoothie, yogurt, eggs, bacon, and waffles for breakfast, pizza and sweet potato fries for lunch, and John’s got spaghetti and meatballs and more vegetables cooking for dinner! I’m not going to starve, that’s for sure.
I’m not out of the woods yet with the cancer. My white blood cell count had declined when we checked it toward the end of last week, so I assume they’ll have to check it again soon. Down is not the direction we want it to be going. It means something is stressing my immune system. Hopefully the stressor is just a bit of a mild virus or the fact that I’m still recovering from chemo or something, and not the cancer coming back. I don’t feel sick like with a cold or anything, but I have been tired.
On the other hand, my CEA is low, which is good. CEA is a cancer marker, so that one we want to be low.
I also had a CT scan on Tuesday and I don’t have those results yet. I should hear about that next week and I’ll let you know. I also have a new doctor in Tucson, and I’ll be seeing him in early November.
On a more upbeat note, here’s a rose. That’s just a snapshot I took in my backyard with an older iphone. I didn’t do anything to make the background black like that. It’s just because the flower was lit by sunlight and the surroundings behind it weren’t.
Recently I posted about lions in a dream, and I included photos of lions from John’s trip to Africa a couple of years ago. Then my mom made me a silk scarf based on the photos I had posted. Really quite amazing!
I’ve decided to start doing some regular fasting, as recommended in a video my sister-in-law sent. My plan is to fast from 8:00 PM the previous night through till the following morning. In case I don’t make it, instead of going hog wild, I’m allowing myself a light dinner of chicken broth & seaweed halfway through the fast.
I know some of you are thinking, bleck! We’d rather go hungry! But I actually find broth and seaweed comforting, and there’s nothing better for feeling like you’re eating healthy!
Speaking of seaweed, my sister sent me this funny picture the other day:
She was in a rush, and trying to make herself a quick cup of tea. She saw a small unlabeled bag of what looked like black tea leaves in her cupboard. But something wasn’t quite right, lol! She made tea from dried seaweed! I must have left it there when we stayed with her in February and March while I had my surgery done.
The morning of my fast started off fairly regularly, because I don’t usually eat early in the morning anyway. This particular morning I had to go to the cancer center to do my bloodwork. On the way home from getting my blood drawn, I noticed there weren’t very many cars in the Trader Joe’s parking lot. Hmmm.
I used to regularly and frequently go to both Sprouts and Trader Joes. But since my surgery and covid started, John has been doing the grocery shopping, once every two weeks. He alternates between Sprouts and Albertsons. He hasn’t attempted to go to Trader Joe’s because it’s crowded and I haven’t asked him to. Most of my Trader Joe items I can get at Sprouts or online. Except one thing. One measly, but very important item – my laundry detergent.
I attempted to buy a substitute laundry detergent from Amazon, but it stinks so bad that I’m going to have to give it away. I didn’t even open it – it’s SEALED and it still stinks so bad I’m going to give it away. I’ve been rationing my laundry soap, using less and less per load…it’s finally time to do something radical. Like actually going into Trader Joe’s!
Turns out it wasn’t bad at all. No lines to get in or to check out. I just grabbed two of the size large containers of laundry detergent and headed to check out. My checker was super nice and wiped down the detergent bottles for me. And he complemented me on my purse. (My purse is made out of seatbelts, and it is really cool.)
I realize how I miss those casual friendly interactions with people – strangers or coworkers or anyone.
Meanwhile, first major hunger pains at 11:00 AM.
At noon I had an online Zoom meditation group. It’s the weirdest thing, sitting in silence for an entire hour, staring at people in boxes on a computer. I’m new to this particular group, so I was staring at strangers in silence on my computer. However, I’ve done these types of groups before, so I knew we’d introduce ourselves at the end of the hour. Sort of backwards, I know, but that’s how it’s done.
Our intent for today was “healing”. Healing whatever. Healing us, our friends & family, our country, the whole world. We could all use a little healing right now. I sat outside – the weather has been perfect in Albuquerque for several days now. About halfway through the session, helicopters started circling overhead. My volume was muted, so my fellow meditators couldn’t hear them. Just me. First I tried to ignore them. Failing that, I tried to incorporate them into the theme of healing. But the sound of circling helicopters is not restful. It was worrying, ominous, repetitive and insistent. Around and around. They eventually quit around the time the hour-long meditation was over.
Second major hunger pains at 2:00 PM.
In an act of brilliance today, Amazon took someone’s box, which already had the address label on it, and stuck a second label with my name and address on top of the original label, partially obscuring the original address and delivered it to me instead of them. Surprisingly, I noticed before opening it, and knew it wasn’t my box. On the partially obscured label I could see the whole name of the person, the street name and zip code, but not the actual house number. His name is fairly unusual, so I managed to look him up online and find his phone number. He came by and collected his package and was very grateful I had tracked him down. I figured it was easier to google him than it would have been to call Amazon! Amazon doesn’t answer their phones. Turns out the package contained snow boots for his son. Now my only question is, what box was that label with my name and address supposed to have been on?
3:00 PM and I am hungry! I have a session with a client for an hour, which will distract me.
Now it’s 4:00 PM, and this is getting old! It’s already late afternoon and I don’t feel like I’ve made as much progress packing as I’d like.
6:00 and getting annoyed with fasting, but on the plus side, I suddenly started spontaneously dancing to my music. That hasn’t happened in MONTHS. Where’d that energy come from? It can’t be sustainable. Presumably I will crash soon.
7:00 and I can smell John’s dinner. At least he fixed it for himself! I could fix my broth and seaweed, but I’m actually curious to see if I can do a complete fast for the whole day (and two nights).
Conundrums: I just realized I usually take my vitamins at dinner time. Can I take my vitamins on an empty stomach? John thinks that vitamins wouldn’t be as hard on my stomach as the decaffeinated coffee I’ve been drinking all day. Ok so I’m switching to carbonated water and taking my vitamins, all except the gummy vitamins, which probably have sugar in them. I’ll take them tomorrow.
8:00 and wondering if it’s safe to go in the hot tub after fasting all day? The weather is still warm but it’s cooling off at night and I’m feeling a bit chilly. Maybe if I don’t stay in very long.
Now time for some TV! I almost never watch TV. I’ll go for weeks without watching anything. But I’m not up for doing much of anything else tonight.
9:00 and I’m giving up and going to bed. Too many food commercials on TV. Taco Bell nachos are somehow suddenly appealing? Even the fruit loops looked good – or at least edible.
9:00 AM the next morning: Breakfast! For breakfast I had my gummy vitamins from yesterday, coffee, a scoop of plain yogurt with blackberry and chia seed topping, a few grapes, and two breakfast tacos (2 corn tortillas, 2 eggs scrambled with green chili and cottage cheese, and 2 sausage patties). I would have taken a photo but I was too busy eating!
The fast wasn’t fun, but it turned out to be perfectly doable, and I hope those hungry cancer cells suffered!
My sister-in-law, Dawn, sent me this excellent video about diet and cancer. And not just because she has the same first name as the researcher, lol. It’s actually a very good video (a gem in a sea of terrible ones about the topic).
I recommend it for anyone interested in diet or cancer, and specifically how diet could impact cancer. (Thanks, Dawn!)
I especially like this article because it isn’t someone hyping a magic cure-all. The speaker is a doctor and researcher in the field, and she draws upon many scientific studies. And she doesn’t come to simplistic conclusions.
She carefully distinguishes when certain diets can help and when they can’t. For example, lowering carbohydrate intake can help some people with stage 3 colon cancer (which is what I have), but the positive results were found only for people who have body mass indexes (BMI) of over 25 (which I don’t).
She’s also a surprisingly entertaining speaker. It’s quite interesting. I watched it twice and I wasn’t remotely bored (of course it is a topic that is relevant to me).
My conclusion is that what would most likely be of use to me at this point is some intermittent fasting (which the speaker briefly addresses at the end of the video.) In hindsight, we probably should not have tried so hard to get me to eat frequently during the worst of my chemo treatment, when I didn’t feel like eating.
Going forward, I’m going to delay eating in the morning until close to lunchtime, in order to increase the length of time every day that I’m not eating (compressing my eating hours into a shorter length of time). I’ve done that before and it doesn’t seem to be too difficult. The only hard part is that I miss having milk and sugar in my coffee and green tea early in the morning. To have zero calorie intake, I need to drink my coffee and green tea black. Or wait until lunchtime. Bummer.
I’m also going to try occasionally doing a 24-hour fast, and see how I do with that. I haven’t tried that before.
The reasoning is that cancer cells fare much worse when faced with a lack of fuel than normal cells do. Normal cells just go into a non-dividing state and patiently wait until fuel is available again. But cancer cells continuously divide and cannot wait, and therefore have more trouble surviving in a low-fuel environment. So I’m going to starve those suckers out.
After relaxing in the mountains for several days, we headed down to the beach. We were still biding our time, waiting for the smoke to clear further north.
We got take-out fish tacos at the Oceanside marina and ate them on a bench off the beaten path with a view of the boats. Then we rented kayaks and paddled around the marina for an hour.
After kayaking and a quick rest and change of clothes in our handy camper van, we went for a walk along the beach.
We were thoroughly enjoying Oceanside but then I had an unexpected freak-out on the beach about cancer. I am finding that I’m almost more stressed about cancer now than I was when I was in middle of treatment. I’m scared it’s going to come back. But most of the time I can put it out of my mind.
This trip is for my mental health, and it truly is helping. Some days I have setbacks, but being outside and seeing the beauty of the world is reassuring.
I suppose you have already read about the recent death of Chadwick Boseman, but I haven’t been able to get it out of my mind. I don’t usually follow celebrities, but his initial cancer diagnosis, stage 3 colon cancer, is the same as what I was diagnosed with in January.
It’s amazing what he was able to accomplish in the final few years of his life, all the while secretly undergoing chemotherapy and surgeries. I don’t know at what point his stage 3 progressed to stage 4, but it would had to have been fairly quickly. His initial diagnosis of stage 3 was only in 2016.
That’s consistent with the statistics. If my cancer were to come back as stage 4, it would likely happen within the next couple of years. The longer I go without it transitioning to stage 4, the less likely it will come back at all. I’m not considered “cured” until 7 years pass, however.
The fact that this has been in the news has been unsettling for me. It makes it real somehow, that yes, real people (young, wealthy, successful people, even) can die of this. I’m still really grappling with that. Some days I don’t even think about it, other days I wrestle with a sense of my own mortality.
John is the one who is the most impacted by my difficult days and is my primary support. But I also have a weekly cancer support group. And I occasionally hire a life coach, about once per month. And I have a “peer support” specialist, who is like a therapist but with different training. I’m also part of a “compassionate listening” group, where we practice active listening techniques. As we practice our listening techniques we are essentially providing therapy for each other, even though that’s not the actual goal. So I have a lot of support.
Here’s more about Chadwick Boseman in case you missed it in the news:
You’re all like, “Kristina, first you put out a survey asking where we’d visit you if you lived there, then you try to pretend you’re considering more conventional bucket list items like an overseas trip or a health retreat in the middle of covid. Who are you kidding? We know that all you really like to do is collect houses and puppies.”
For those of you who guessed I was adopting that adorable little pit mix (who, by the way, was genuinely up for adoption right here in Albuquerque), well, you certainly have precedent for your guess. I have been known to adopt puppies!
In fact, here’s some more puppy pictures, just for fun! OMG, this one is only a mile away from me!
Huskies, Chihuahuas, and adorable mixes:
What is holding me back is my uncertainty about my future. I don’t want John to have to deal with two aging dogs, a new puppy, and a sick wife if my cancer comes back. That’s too much. Of course I would like a new puppy – maybe that can be my celebratory gift to myself when I pass my 7-year mark (after which, it’s much less likely that the cancer would come back).
Now you’re all going, “Kristina, you are not going to wait 7 years before you get another dog. We know you better than that.” Ok, you’re right. Probably not. But maybe I should at least wait a couple of years.
Meanwhile, I am super excited to have found a local friend to help me with my current two dogs, Kai and Rosie! When I got diagnosed with cancer in January, we drove the dogs down to Houston and my in-laws generously cared for them while we were in Boston getting my surgery done. This time, if I need more medical treatment, I’ll have local care for them. That’s a big relief.
My friend, Sandy, is also going to care for Kai and Rosie while we do a little bit of traveling to visit Laura. Sandy has a teenage daughter – and talk about teen puppy love! It’s a complete puppy love fest over there. I’m not sure my dogs are even going to want to live with me at all anymore! They’re not going to want to come home!
Meanwhile I’ve been stewing about wanting to spend this winter somewhere warmer. I had become obsessed with vacation rental listings. I looked in Tucson and Palm Springs and Phoenix and anywhere warm, but all the rentals were so ridiculously expensive. Maybe affordable for a 4-day trip, but I wanted to spend all winter somewhere warmer – not just a week or two! It didn’t help that I also wanted to have a pool, and to be able to bring the dogs, and have enough room for visitors. My wishlist far exceeded the amount of rent I was willing to pay.
Meanwhile, on a somewhat unrelated front, as many of you know – for a couple of years John and I have been trying to figure out where we want to retire. Our top two criteria are: near the kids, and warm in the winter. Slight problem – it’s not warm in the winter near the kids!
After we got two of our rentals sold this spring, I hired three different real estate agents. One for Albuquerque (because…Albuquerque), one for Tucson (warm in the winter) and one for Sacramento (nearish to the kids).
Ever notice how, when there’s not a perfect solution, your brain just goes round and round? At least mine does!
So here I was, looking both for somewhere to spend this winter, as well as looking for a retirement home, and those two searches started overlapping a bit. Pretty soon I was looking at vacation rentals and/or long-term rentals and/or houses to buy, in various cities in California and the southwest…
You know in the comics when people’s eyes have spirals in them? Yeah, that was me, spiral eyes. It was so confusing! And impossible, because on top of everything the housing market has gone nuts. I hope none of you are trying to rent or buy right now. I don’t recommend it!
In Albuquerque, there is almost nothing available to buy or to rent. We have tenants moving to Florida, and already people are calling me asking to rent the house. I’m not even advertising it – they just saw the POD moving container in my tenant’s driveway and realized they were moving. Oh! Oh! A house is coming available! They got my contact info from my tenants and have been pestering me ever since. I could rent or sell that house in an instant, word-of-mouth only, without even listing it.
Tucson is equally crazy, with multiple offers on the first day of listing, bidding wars with offers going thousands of dollars over list price…it’s cutthroat out there.
In case you’re not addicted to Zillow like I am, that’s an utterly ridiculous number of views and saves for just 3 days. That’s an order of magnitude too high. I don’t know why everyone’s trying to rent or buy a house right now! I would think everyone would be worried about the future of the economy “in these uncertain times”. But I guess not!
Some people may be wanting out of their apartments (these covid times are especially miserable in apartments – shared air flow, no backyards, etc.). There may also be people in the northern part of our country terrified at the prospect of being trapped in their home all winter, unwilling to hang around outside in the freezing cold but unable to go to indoor public spaces due to covid, deciding to wait out this winter in a warmer climate. Also there’s a fair number of people who are now suddenly able to work from home, who are leaving the expensive cities like San Francisco and going to warmer, cheaper places. Apparently it is actually possible to rent an apartment in San Francisco, for the first time in forever.
It’s hard to predict the future. I keep thinking that housing prices are going to drop over the next few years because our economy is struggling. I’m worried that the smart thing would be to wait and buy later. So why are John and I looking into buying now? For us there’s that bucket list issue, the concern that maybe I only have a couple years to live if the cancer comes back. We’re no longer inclined to put anything off!
Therefore…drumroll…the pop quiz answer is…the first thing we’re going to do on that bucket list is try to buy a house in a warmer location. Winter is coming!
I do still have my eye on Sacramento, which is located between the kids, but I’m just not sure if that would be close enough to either of them to make it worthwhile. It’s not actually possible to “buy a house near the kids” because the kids don’t live near each other! They are not even in the same state. So for now, we’re planning to drive out in our van to see them – not as often as we could if we lived closer, but hopefully more often than we’ve managed in the past.
15 years ago I came to Albuquerque from California in search of cheap sunshine. We are now looking at Tucson in search of warm winters and a cheap swimming pool.
{"id":null,"mode":"text_link","open_style":"in_place","currency_code":"USD","currency_symbol":"$","currency_type":"decimal","blank_flag_url":"https:\/\/turning51.com\/wp-content\/plugins\/tip-jar-wp\/\/assets\/images\/flags\/blank.gif","flag_sprite_url":"https:\/\/turning51.com\/wp-content\/plugins\/tip-jar-wp\/\/assets\/images\/flags\/flags.png","default_amount":500,"top_media_type":"none","featured_image_url":false,"featured_embed":"","header_media":null,"file_download_attachment_data":null,"recurring_options_enabled":true,"recurring_options":{"never":{"selected":true,"after_output":"One time only"},"weekly":{"selected":false,"after_output":"Every week"},"monthly":{"selected":false,"after_output":"Every month"},"yearly":{"selected":false,"after_output":"Every year"}},"strings":{"current_user_email":"","current_user_name":"","link_text":"Leave Kristina a tip","complete_payment_button_error_text":"Check info and try again","payment_verb":"Pay","payment_request_label":"Turning51","form_has_an_error":"Please check and fix the errors above","general_server_error":"Something isn't working right at the moment. Please try again.","form_title":"Turning51","form_subtitle":null,"currency_search_text":"Country or Currency here","other_payment_option":"Other payment option","manage_payments_button_text":"Manage your payments","thank_you_message":"Thank you for being a supporter!","payment_confirmation_title":"Turning51","receipt_title":"Your Receipt","print_receipt":"Print Receipt","email_receipt":"Email Receipt","email_receipt_sending":"Sending receipt...","email_receipt_success":"Email receipt successfully sent","email_receipt_failed":"Email receipt failed to send. Please try again.","receipt_payee":"Paid to","receipt_statement_descriptor":"This will show up on your statement as","receipt_date":"Date","receipt_transaction_id":"Transaction ID","receipt_transaction_amount":"Amount","refund_payer":"Refund from","login":"Log in to manage your payments","manage_payments":"Manage Payments","transactions_title":"Your Transactions","transaction_title":"Transaction Receipt","transaction_period":"Plan Period","arrangements_title":"Your Plans","arrangement_title":"Manage Plan","arrangement_details":"Plan Details","arrangement_id_title":"Plan ID","arrangement_payment_method_title":"Payment Method","arrangement_amount_title":"Plan Amount","arrangement_renewal_title":"Next renewal date","arrangement_action_cancel":"Cancel Plan","arrangement_action_cant_cancel":"Cancelling is currently not available.","arrangement_action_cancel_double":"Are you sure you'd like to cancel?","arrangement_cancelling":"Cancelling Plan...","arrangement_cancelled":"Plan Cancelled","arrangement_failed_to_cancel":"Failed to cancel plan","back_to_plans":"\u2190 Back to Plans","update_payment_method_verb":"Update","sca_auth_description":"Your have a pending renewal payment which requires authorization.","sca_auth_verb":"Authorize renewal payment","sca_authing_verb":"Authorizing payment","sca_authed_verb":"Payment successfully authorized!","sca_auth_failed":"Unable to authorize! Please try again.","login_button_text":"Log in","login_form_has_an_error":"Please check and fix the errors above","uppercase_search":"Search","lowercase_search":"search","uppercase_page":"Page","lowercase_page":"page","uppercase_items":"Items","lowercase_items":"items","uppercase_per":"Per","lowercase_per":"per","uppercase_of":"Of","lowercase_of":"of","back":"Back to plans","zip_code_placeholder":"Zip\/Postal Code","download_file_button_text":"Download File","input_field_instructions":{"tip_amount":{"placeholder_text":"How much would you like to tip?","initial":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"How much would you like to tip? Choose any currency."},"empty":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"How much would you like to tip? Choose any currency."},"invalid_curency":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Please choose a valid currency."}},"recurring":{"placeholder_text":"Recurring","initial":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"How often would you like to give this?"},"success":{"instruction_type":"success","instruction_message":"How often would you like to give this?"},"empty":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"How often would you like to give this?"}},"name":{"placeholder_text":"Name on Credit Card","initial":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"Enter the name on your card."},"success":{"instruction_type":"success","instruction_message":"Enter the name on your card."},"empty":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Please enter the name on your card."}},"privacy_policy":{"terms_title":"Terms and conditions","terms_body":null,"terms_show_text":"View Terms","terms_hide_text":"Hide Terms","initial":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"I agree to the terms."},"unchecked":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Please agree to the terms."},"checked":{"instruction_type":"success","instruction_message":"I agree to the terms."}},"email":{"placeholder_text":"Your email address","initial":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"Enter your email address"},"success":{"instruction_type":"success","instruction_message":"Enter your email address"},"blank":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Enter your email address"},"not_an_email_address":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Make sure you have entered a valid email address"}},"note_with_tip":{"placeholder_text":"Your note here...","initial":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"Attach a note to your tip (optional)"},"empty":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"Attach a note to your tip (optional)"},"not_empty_initial":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"Attach a note to your tip (optional)"},"saving":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"Saving note..."},"success":{"instruction_type":"success","instruction_message":"Note successfully saved!"},"error":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Unable to save note note at this time. Please try again."}},"email_for_login_code":{"placeholder_text":"Your email address","initial":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"Enter your email to log in."},"success":{"instruction_type":"success","instruction_message":"Enter your email to log in."},"blank":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Enter your email to log in."},"empty":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Enter your email to log in."}},"login_code":{"initial":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"Check your email and enter the login code."},"success":{"instruction_type":"success","instruction_message":"Check your email and enter the login code."},"blank":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Check your email and enter the login code."},"empty":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Check your email and enter the login code."}},"stripe_all_in_one":{"initial":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"Enter your credit card details here."},"empty":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Enter your credit card details here."},"success":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"Enter your credit card details here."},"invalid_number":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card number is not a valid credit card number."},"invalid_expiry_month":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card's expiration month is invalid."},"invalid_expiry_year":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card's expiration year is invalid."},"invalid_cvc":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card's security code is invalid."},"incorrect_number":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card number is incorrect."},"incomplete_number":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card number is incomplete."},"incomplete_cvc":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card's security code is incomplete."},"incomplete_expiry":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card's expiration date is incomplete."},"incomplete_zip":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card's zip code is incomplete."},"expired_card":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card has expired."},"incorrect_cvc":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card's security code is incorrect."},"incorrect_zip":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card's zip code failed validation."},"invalid_expiry_year_past":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card's expiration year is in the past"},"card_declined":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card was declined."},"missing":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"There is no card on a customer that is being charged."},"processing_error":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"An error occurred while processing the card."},"invalid_request_error":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Unable to process this payment, please try again or use alternative method."},"invalid_sofort_country":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The billing country is not accepted by SOFORT. Please try another country."}}}},"fetched_oembed_html":false}
