Hacienda del Sol

I got home from California late on a Thursday night. Instead of taking a few days to rest, I immediately leaped into my latest hobby – listening to live music around town.

That Friday night, John and I went to a local resort, Hacienda del Sol, to listen to flamenco guitar. The guitar music was a bust, but we did walk around and get some nice pictures of the venue. It was the last day in August, and still very hot, even at night.

These next photos are of a common room at the resort.

We did not stay the night there. In fact, the entire evening cost nothing – or actually, I think we split a desert in the dining room before giving up on the lousy, supposedly Flamenco music. We enjoyed our walk around, so I’d call it a good cheap date. And I was happy to be back home in the desert southwest.

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My brother, Mark

Did I tell you I was done with my California posts? Haha, oops, I lied. Just one more. I forgot to mention that I saw my brother, Mark. He lives in San Diego but is working in Milpitas in the Bay Area right now, so he’s up there a lot.

One night we met for dinner. We talked for about an hour, and then got down to the business of eating.

I don’t remember what we talked about, but I can guarantee it wasn’t a casual, newsy, conversation. Mark is deep, and intense, and not fully of this world. His mind takes him in some very unusual places. Mark is by far the most brilliant person I’ve ever met (although John is damn smart). Mark can be somewhat difficult just because he’s so unconventional and not worried about the usual social niceties. And he takes quite a lot of concentration to understand, because he doesn’t talk about typical daily life topics.

After dinner, a homeless man in a skirt asked us for money, and Mark offered him food. There was a nearby market and Mark asked him what he wanted. The man specified that he wanted candy, something sweet, something with real sugar. We went into the market, which turned out to be an Asian market. We would have preferred to buy something healthier but thought it would be more respectful to get the man what he wanted. We weren’t familiar with the items on the shelves, but we eventually choose something that looked like candy. We bought the candy and brought it back out to the homeless man.

Mark then tried to talk to him a little bit about his lifestyle choices. Mark had mostly dropped out of society once himself when he was young. I don’t think he was ever homeless, but I know he wasn’t eating much or doing much except playing the difficult game of Go with an elderly man every day.

After giving the homeless man his candy, Mark tried to talk with him about his life choices, but the man just wanted to engage Mark in small talk. I could see the man was trying to make an emotional connection so he could then hopefully talk Mark into buying him more food or other items. But his attempts to talk about politics and conspiracy theories and other hot topics did not deter Mark from his goal of helping the man understand that his life choices have consequences. Mark wanted to help him understand how to make better choices. They talked over each other’s heads for a long time while I waited nearby.

I don’t know how long it would have gone on, but I eventually showed some restlessness, which the homeless man noticed before Mark did. Or maybe Mark did notice but dismissed it. When the homeless man referred to me as Mark’s wife, he did briefly correct him, saying “sister”. But then Mark went right back to his teaching points, emphatically, with steady determination.

Mark does this to us too, and I don’t think we usually understand him any better than the homeless man did. Mark is so genuine, and cares so much, and he sees life so clearly and so differently than the rest of us with all our crazy coping mechanisms, that it can cause him a lot of mental pain. It’s like his blinders are off and he can see what the rest of us happily ignore. Our inner dissembling keeps us sane. But Mark is like a prophet, crying in the wilderness.

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My Trip To California, Post 14: Laura’s Jujitsu

This is the last of the California series, we did it! Yay! Now we can start into September. I’m still a month and a half behind.

On my last night in Santa Clara, Laura took me to watch her Jujitsu class. I haven’t watched one of her classes since she was a teenager. It was very interesting.

Laura wrote up an explanation about Jujitsu for us, which I’m posting below. I want to make a quick clarification first – in the first sentence Laura refers to her siblings – plural. In addition to Callan, she is referring to Rob’s daughter, Sarah (I was briefly married to Rob between 1999-2001). Laura and Sarah still consider each other stepsisters.

Laura says:

“I started training in martial arts when I was about 11 or 12, along with my siblings. We went to a school that taught Byakka Ryu Jujitsu. This style was invented by our Sensei (head teacher) and was a mix of Danzan Ryu Jujitsu and Bok Fu Kung Fu. It is common in martial arts for an experienced practitioner to start their own school and even their own branch or new style.

Our style of martial arts was heavily rooted in traditional Japanese martial arts, and the techniques we learned and the culture of our school were very similar to Danzan Ryu. I trained in this until I was 15, when we moved, and had reached green belt. In that style, a green belt was two below black. Different schools use different colors in different orders, but they all have black to indicate a high level of proficiency.

After moving, I went to other martial arts schools and over the next couple of decades dabbled in Ninjitsu, Karate, Judo, Aikido, Kajukenbo, and Krav Maga. Finally, after moving to Santa Clara I discovered a Danzan Ryu Jujitsu school and returned to my roots. Many people are familiar with Brazilian Jiu Jitsu (same original Japanese word, different English spelling), especially the Gracie schools, and I understand this is because their practitioners do very well in MMA, which is quite popular.

In a way, jujitsu on its own is already a mixed martial art because it incorporates striking techniques, throwing techniques, ground/wrestling techniques, weapons practice, and more. My understanding is that Brazilian Jiu Jitsu focuses primarily on ground techniques, and puts a lot of emphasis on competitions. Danzan Ryu is more similar to Judo and Aikido, with lots of focus on throwing and fighting techniques that use circular movements, using your opponent’s own energy against them.

We do almost no competitions, focusing more on personal growth – not only improving in rank through the techniques themselves but with a full mind-body-spirit approach. The meditation, mindfulness, and self awareness I have found to be particularly useful in my day-to-day life when managing my own emotions in times of stress. The other main benefit I get from training is my body instinctively knowing how to fall!

The only times I have used jujitsu outside of school have been when I tripped and fell, or fell off a skateboard, or got knocked down by my dog. I have a jujitsu classmate who is a little old man with a shock of white hair, and he loves to joke that when his doctor asks if he has taken any falls recently, he gleefully replies, “Oh yes, all the time!”

Another thing I love about Danzan Ryu is that it teaches a number of different techniques for the same situations, giving you the option of deciding what level of force is most appropriate. Handsy guy at the bar? You don’t want to permanently injure him. Perhaps use a joint lock that is painful only if he tries to move towards you and releases when he moves away, just to send a message. Someone is trying to kill you? Yeah, you probably want to incapacitate them and not worry so much about breaking their bones.

I have used jujitsu once that wasn’t just falling down – I was at a bar after work with coworkers, and one guy came up and put his arm around my shoulders in an overly friendly way. I pretended to get startled and spin around in such a way that I *almost* elbowed him in the face. He backed off and never tried that again, and it avoided unnecessary confrontation (in my opinion, though I know some would advocate being more direct in protecting oneself and calling attention to the inappropriateness of his behavior in that situation).

I’ve been studying Danzan Ryu at this school for a few years now and have reached brown belt, which is just one below black. And black belt is not the end of the journey, it only marks the official beginning!

Here are several short video clips that I took during Laura’s class. I’m very grateful they all agreed to allow me to video.

In this first video they are practicing exercises individually.

Next they are practicing a move in pairs.

This next video shows an example of the instruction process when Laura was learning something new.

Here she adds another move when she got stuck.

I call these next three videos “Don’t try this at home.”

I would be hesitant to throw this little old guy!

I also want to comment that Laura’s ability to fall gracefully is nothing short of phenomenal. I remember once when she was still in school, she was leaving a concert where she played the clarinet. It was a dark, windy, rainy night and she slipped on the wet pavement wearing high heels and a narrow long black dress. Instead of sprawling hard onto the pavement, she did what I can only describe as a levitated twist in the air, landed and rolled, completely unhurt.

That concludes my series on my most excellent trip to California!

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My Trip to California, Post 13: Santana Concert

For my birthday, Laura bought tickets for the two of us to see Santana in concert. It was at the huge Shoreline Amphitheater, the night of my birthday. Getting into and out of Shoreline was going to be the challenge. It can get really backed up. It’s along the bay so there’s only one way in – which is right through the Google campus. Apparently it can take a couple hours just to get in and out of the parking lot.

But Laura had an insider’s trick. Her friends, Emily and Pat, live in that area and commute on their bikes to their jobs at Google. Turns out there are bike paths all the way from their house to Shoreline.

We drove to Emily and Pat’s house that afternoon, bringing dinner to share, and we all hung out until evening. Here’s a picture of Emily, Laura, and Alex (Pat was inside working on something and didn’t get into the photo).

When it was time for the concert, Emily and Pat loaned Laura and I their bicycles, and off we went.

It was a little nerve wracking at first in the fading light, but Laura knew the route and I just followed. Other than for the first couple blocks in the neighborhood, we never had to worry about cars. It was a short ride and turned out to be very easy.

When we arrived, there were long lines of cars to get in, and bikes parked everywhere. The bike racks were overflowing, and there were bikes chained to posts and trees and anything people could find to lock a bike against. We weren’t the only ones with the great idea!

The amphitheater was enormous and I would have been uncomfortable in the middle of that huge crowd. But Laura had thoughtfully bought tickets along one edge.

It’s a nice venue, with plenty of food, drinks and good bathrooms (all easily accessible from our edge seats).

It was a great concert!

Carlos Santana is showing his age, but wisely he has recruited a talented band, including good lead singers. His wife, Cindy Blackman, is still an amazing drummer.

Santana’s music has been a part of my life for a lot of years, and concerts are really fun when you know all the songs. I own 20 Santana albums. I know that sounds crazy, and no, he’s not even my favorite artist. He’s just one of the more prolific ones. I own lots and lots of all different kinds of music. I own hundreds of albums (CDs). Yeah, you didn’t know that about me? Now you do.

I bought most of those albums before Spotify, which is so good now that there’s almost no reason to buy music anymore. Listening to songs on Spotify does support the musicians; it’s not like listening to bootlegged music. Spotify pays royalties and also it helps the musicians gain exposure.

When I was young, I didn’t have the money to go to concerts. And then for years I was just working too hard. And it’s not really John’s thing. He will sometimes be interested in going with me, but neither of us like crowds, or staying up late. And, and, and…lots of excuses. Despite the hurdles, I’ve recently started going to more music events, and you’ll probably see more about that on my blog.

After the concert, Laura and I hopped back on the bikes for the dark ride back to Emily’s. We dropped the bikes off with Emily and Pat, who had graciously stayed up until we got back. Then we hopped in Laura’s car and headed toward home.

When we merged onto the freeway, Laura looked around at the nearly empty darkness, and said, “We beat them.” Beat who? Apparently exiting Shoreline by car dumps you out on a specific spot on the freeway, and the crowd hadn’t made it out the parking area and through the Google complex and onto the freeway yet. We were faster on the bikes!

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My Trip to California, Post 12: Silicon Valley Pride

The next day Laura’s friend, Cat, came over and we went together to the Silicon Valley Pride day. Cat was super sweet and brought me a slice of birthday cake.

Then we went to the festival together.

Laura got her arm painted.

We had a lot of fun! Cat said she’d never been to one of these things with a parent. Well, I’m just grateful my kids include me in their lives. And anyway, I’ve been going to pride events since the 1990’s when they were little kids in Olympia, Washington. We used to do AIDS Walks back then. It was heartbreaking. I’m so glad we have so much to celebrate nowadays.

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My Trip to California, Post 11: Laura & Alex

And once again we circle back to try and finish the California series from August! I hope you are not too tired of the series. We still have a few more to go. I just like to finish what I started!

I left off with my train ride to Santa Clara, where Laura lives. I’m always very happy to arrive at Laura and Alex’s house. Here’s the guest room with a beautiful quilt that Laura’s grandmother on her dad’s side, Helen, made for her as a high school graduation gift.

The quilt has a Japanese motif because Laura was interested in Japan in high school and diligently learning to speak Japanese. As many of you know, Laura went on to spend 5 years in Japan before returning to the US and settling in California.

I love this bathroom art.

It’s especially fun because they have a black cat, Caden.

Here’s Laura relaxing in the backyard.

And her earnest and loyal dog, Zane.

That weekend I hoped we would get a chance to hang out with Alex too. Alex works hard during the week, and he is also very committed to his hobby of bicycle racing. It’s always a bit of a challenge to figure out what to do together, because neither of us want to just sit in the living room and chat. But he’s a great guy.

One good option in the Bay Area is all the excellent restaurants. On one night, Alex took us out to a casual but very good German restaurant where I had sausage and spaetzle. The weather was perfect for eating outside.

I especially like where some of the towns have closed off a street and use the entire street as a courtyard for multiple restaurants. It always feels very festive. Here is one in downtown Sunnyvale.

Then on Saturday we took a walk on the Santa Clara University campus. Universities are great places to walk on sunny summer afternoons.

Outings are always more special with a quick stop for coffee.

Laura stands obligingly for the photo while Alex is playing around, peaking around the corner.

We had a good walk. I love doing this sort of thing, and feel so lucky that sometimes I get to walk with my kids.

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My Trip to California, Post 10: Taking the Ace Train

I had a great time at Tracey’s but soon it was time to head to Laura’s house. Tracey offered to drive me, but I remembered when I used to live in Livermore, I had a friend who commuted from Livermore into Santa Clara Valley on a train. I looked it up and sure enough the ACE train goes from Stockton in the central valley, through Livermore and Santa Clara, all the way into San Jose.

It’s a beautiful train, far nicer than BART. It only goes southwest on weekday mornings, and northeast on weekday afternoons. I hopped the last train on Friday morning and it took me seamlessly from Livermore to Santa Clara.

I took tons of photos out the window just because I was so excited to be on a train. I like trains so much better than cars and airplanes. These photos are nothing special, but just imagine what my photos would have looked like out a car window on a freeway!

Here you can see the front of my train as we go around a bend.

Beautiful wetlands.

I had all my luggage with me: a medium sized hard-side plus a backpack. But it was the last train of the morning and not crowded. I had a whole set of 4 seats to myself, two facing two.

The spaciousness felt luxurious compared to an airplane. And so much more independence! There were no lines, no check-in, no security, no authorities, no announcements other than arrival at stations. I could bring my own water – no one checked to see what we were bringing on at all.

At one point someone walked through to look at our tickets, which we had purchased online ahead of time. It was so nice to not be herded like cattle! No one badgering you to put on your seatbelt or turn off your phone or stow your stuff or put back your tray table or adjust your seat or anything. You just sat where you wanted to sit, and got up and walked around whenever you wanted to walk around. Oh the freedom!

I sure wish I could go everywhere on a train – but most US trains are very slow. It would take me days to go where I could fly in a few hours.

This is the Santa Clara station.

The Livermore station also has a similar, old-fashioned train depot style building.

Very cute.

The whole experience felt safe, everything was clean and it was all very easy. I would take that train again!

Here is another train that came by while I was at the station. Laura said it is a new electric train. Very nice!

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My Trip to California, Post 9: Livermore

I only stayed a short time with Tracey in Livermore, but we managed to do several fun outings.

We walked every morning, which I loved. We both like to get our steps in! I was happy to be back on the Sycamore trail, which is near where John and I lived when we were in Livermore. A new addition since I was there last are these cute and handy lost-and-found posts.

After our walk we went out to eat at the café at the Garré Vineyard and Winery. It wasn’t busy that day and the weather was perfect.

Next we went downtown to poke around. I was entranced by this slowly revolving trivia ball. At first glance, Livermore might appear to be just one of many outer suburbs of the Bay Area. But it is also home to a large national laboratory.

I’ve always been interested in what geographers call a “sense of place.” That is anything that makes a place feel different from every other place.

After I finally tore myself away from the mesmerizing revolving ball, we headed to a holiday shop. At the end of August, it mostly had Halloween and Día de Muertos decorations. I fell in love with this doll.

Isn’t she fantastic? Packed in her box, she took up a lot of space in my minimal (for me) luggage. I ended up leaving several items of clothing and misc at Laura’s house in order to get her home.

As soon as I got home I perched her on a traditional kiva ladder in the living room. It has been over a month now, but I honestly don’t think John has noticed, lol. We don’t use that room as much as the family room next to the kitchen.

On the second morning Tracey and I had fog on our morning walk, but it soon burned off.

Later that morning we drove to the ‎⁨The Ruth Bancroft Garden⁩ in ⁨Walnut Creek.

Next – down to Santa Clara on the train, stay tuned.

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My Trip to California, Post 8: Sausalito

On the way back down to the Bay Area from the northern coast, Laura and I stopped in San Rafael to meet my friend Tracey for lunch. Tracey came to pick me up for a few days vacation with her in Livermore, before I headed back to Santa Clara.

Before going to Livermore, Tracey and I stopped at Sausalito. I enjoyed seeing the water, but I wasn’t feeling my best and we faced rush hour traffic heading east, so we just walked around a bit and snapped a few pictures before heading out.

It would be fun to rent one of these places overlooking the waterfront.

I love marinas – they are full of the promise of adventures.

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My Trip to California, Post 7: Mendocino Botanical Gardens and North Trail out of Russian Gulch

It looks like I might finally have time to go back and finish the series about my California trip at the end of August. Laura had picked me up from the airport in San Francisco and we went to spend a few days on the coast in Fort Bragg, just north of Mendocino.

One of the must-do activities on my list was the Mendocino Botanical Gardens. Here is Laura, looking at all the dahlias.

In addition to all the wonderful plants, this exceptional botanical garden has a beautiful ocean bluff walk. It’s one of my favorite botanical gardens. Every garden is special, but they don’t all have stunning ocean views.

Here’s some more photos in the garden.

The huge leaves of this plant made me feel like some sort of little critter.

John and I used to go to Mendocino and Fort Bragg regularly when we lived in California from 2012-2016, so I had my list of shops and activities I wanted to do.

For example, quite near the botanical gardens is an African import store where we always stopped. They have such interesting things! Years ago Laura had bought Alex a handmade ceramic coffee mug there, which he used every day until one day he accidentally broke it. We were very excited to find an identical mug to replace his broken one, all these years later.

We barely had enough time to do my favorite hike in the late afternoon on our last day. When we got to Russian Gulch, the ranger impressed upon us several times that the first section of the hike was steep and difficult. Luckily I knew better and we didn’t worry about it. It wasn’t difficult at all, but I guess they must get a lot of tourists who are unused to hiking. The park is right off the coastal highway next to Mendocino. My favorite trail in that area is the North trail, but there are several nice ones.

The coast was wonderful! Next we headed back to the Bay Area for more adventures.

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Life Coaching for Neurodiverse Professionals