Category: January 2022

Colleagues with autism

I had such an interesting and affirming meeting last week. I had been vaguely worried about the meeting all week, because I didn’t quite understand what it was for. Someone who founded an autism alliance for autistic adults in Michigan reached out wanting to list my life coaching as a resource on her website. That’s not surprising, because that’s who I work with – adults on the autism spectrum. And I work over the phone so I can absolutely support people in Michigan. But I was a little confused about why she wanted to have a video call. Couldn’t she just list me?

I decided she wanted to screen me – it was probably an informal interview. That’s why I got a bit nervous. Or possibly it was a sales call? She said it was a free listing, but maybe it was some sort of contract where they pay me a percentage and take a cut? If so, I wasn’t interested. I run solo only.

But I decided to have the meeting and see where it led. Here’s the funny part. The very moment I saw her on zoom I was instantly and completely at ease. I could tell she was on the autism spectrum herself, and I felt like, thank god, someone whose language I understand. The pressure was instantly off, and I was absolutely comfortable with her from the very first moment. You probably want to know how I knew she was on the autism spectrum, but I don’t know how to describe it. I just felt it – right away.

She started off the meeting telling me her cat was dying, and I felt bad for her. Then we had a brief chat about a few terminology changes in our field. For example, the terms “high functioning” is frowned upon nowadays and we talked about alternatives. The best terminology takes into account the fact that individuals on the spectrum can be very high functioning in some areas but simultaneously low functioning in other areas.

My clients may be successful doctors and engineers, but perhaps not as successful at a work after-hours social functions or potentially not even successful managing to go grocery shopping. So we discussed the merits of the terms “low support needs” and “high support needs” as applied to situations, not persons. For example, I have high support needs in some areas of my life, but low support needs in other areas of my life.

We also discussed the fact that the term Asperger Syndrome has fallen out of favor and is no longer used for diagnosis, but some people still have that diagnosis from years past, and some don’t like to be called autistic.

I never did fully understand what the meeting was for, but it was a nice connection, and a pleasant 20 minute chat. I guess that’s what it was for. There is an erroneous myth that people on the spectrum don’t like to connect with others, but that’s bogus. We do. We just don’t like being expected to interact like neurotypical people do and don’t enjoy being judged harshly when we connect in the way that we prefer instead. She and I connected in our way, and that 20 minutes was one of the highlights of my week. It reminded me that I’m not just a life coach, I am an autism professional and that’s what I’m good at.

Then a few days later a colleague of hers called me to actually get my information listed. He carefully went over my contact information and a brief blurb about what I do as he added it to their website. Then he told me he was on the spectrum too. Yep 🙂

Meanwhile, someone recently emailed to ask if I offer a sliding scale. When I was first starting out 20 years ago I did, but I haven’t for years. She suggested that there should be autism coaches that do, because a lot of people on the autism spectrum have trouble with their careers. She says, “many of us are very highly intelligent, but under-employed, so we often do not have much money. So how are we to succeed in our goals and dreams, if we need some help to get established, yet no professionals are willing to work with us in order to assist with that?”

I’m not going to go back to offering a sliding scale myself, but it got me wondering about new coaches for the autism community. I’m heading toward retirement and I have a lot to offer. Maybe it’s time to pass some of that on to others. Maybe I could train other people on the autism spectrum to be life coaches. They wouldn’t have to coach clients who are also on the spectrum, but that would be the idea. Autistic coaches for autistic clients. Because we’re the ones who truly get it.

To send Kristina a comment, email turning51bykristina@gmail.com.

Kristina’s Website: Life Coaching for Adults with Autism

Albuquerque in January

We’re still going to Albuquerque regularly. John was out there this week but I didn’t go on this trip. I go on about half of his trips out there. I went on the previous trip at the end of January, and I’ll be going out on our next trip in mid-March. Here’s some photos from our trip at the end of January.

I went to my friend Tara’s house to see her new kittens (and Tara too of course!).

The black and white ones are Roxy and Ronnie. They are siblings.

Haha, that’s Pippa photo bombing. She’s the youngest and most energetic of the three. It was hard to catch her sitting still long enough to get a picture.

I also just had to take a picture of Tara’s dining room chair. Her chairs are the coolest! I loved them. There’s no way John would agree to such modern furniture if I wanted something like that though!

I hadn’t seen Tara’s furniture before because it had been in storage in California while she rented an apartment in Albuquerque and looked for a house. I’m so glad she finally found a house. The housing market is so difficult everywhere right now.

Here’s Tara playing her harp.

Another day we managed to get out for a hike in the snow. This is outside Placitas where we used to hike a lot when we lived up there.

I also went on a hike with my friend Anjie in the foothills within walking distance from my house.

I guess I should have taken a selfie of the two of us together. I forget to do that and just take pictures of my friends. It’s my age showing – you know, back in the day we didn’t do selfies! So I don’t think of it.

People ask me if I miss the snow now that we’ve moved to Tucson. I can’t imagine missing snow. I don’t like snow – except it is briefly beautiful when it first falls. I guess I won’t truly know if I miss it until I’ve spent a few winters without it. I’m still getting plenty enough regular snow in my life with all our trips to Albuquerque.

Of course if there were no snow, there would be no cute pictures of puppies with snow on their nose!

To send Kristina a comment, email turning51bykristina@gmail.com