Christmas seems like forever ago! We had a quiet Christmas in Tucson. Here we are with Dan and Dawn and their kids (who are deliberately avoiding the camera), a few days before Christmas:
Our kids didn’t come visit this year because the remodel wasn’t done yet. In particular, the hall bathroom, which is the guest bathroom, was torn apart and not functional.
Here’s Laura’s photo that she had originally sent for my holiday photo contest, which I’ve since cancelled due to lack of interest. It’s titled, “The season of giving” complete with her purple blood donation bandage 🙂
This year our family deliberately cut back on materialistic gifts. John and I spent much of Christmas weekend cooking. We still didn’t have countertops but that didn’t stop us. We’ve been using a mishmash of plywood and leftover floor tiles as a makeshift countertop for awhile. It wasn’t great, but it worked.
John made a fantastic grapefruit cake.
And several yummy meals.
I made a lemon pie:
John made a truly fantastic tom kha gai (Thai coconut soup with chicken).
We didn’t do a tree this year. Instead, we put lights on a houseplant and our presents on a table.
First up, Biska got a new chew bone to keep her occupied.
Which she promptly threw into the swimming pool.
She was then desperate for help retrieving it; running in and out of the house whining and barking about the catastrophe. We wonder sometimes what goes on in her head.
I got a very apropos cookbook from a good friend of mine:
Well, Biska, would you like something else? You would?
Ok then, but don’t throw it into the pool.
John got a cordless saw for pruning the palm trees.
We bought ourselves some art by a friend of mine in Albuquerque. We already have three of her oil paintings and were happy to add three more to our collection. Her work is abstract, earthy and genuine, and seems to fit well with the style of our house.
This one is particularly hopeful and a good note to start the new year.
Merry Christmas everyone! Biska sends you best wishes for whatever is your equivalent to a pink and green, fuzzy squeaky toy.
And so the Lord created two humans in His image, called Adam and Eve. And He put them in the Garden of Eden and provided them with everything that they could want. And all He asked in return was that they not eat from the Tree of Knowledge. But, lo, it came to pass that they did eat from this tree. And when the Lord saw that they had disobeyed Him, He was filled with wrath. And so He said to Eve, “Because you have done this, I will make your labor pains severe, and you will suffer greatly during childbirth.” And to Adam He said, “From this day forth, you will work by the sweat of your brow in the fields, and indeed you shall die there, for you are made of dust, and to dust you shall return.” And He banished Adam and Eve and brought forth His Angel to guard the Garden with a flaming, whirring sword for all eternity.
And when Adam and Eve were out of earshot, the Lord turned to His Angel and said, “Was that too harsh?”
And the Angel stared back at Him and said, “Uh, yeah, probably. They ate one piece of fruit.”
And the Lord groaned and said, “Why didn’t you stop me?”
And the Angel said, “We’re supposed to be a united front. If we contradict each other, it’ll just make them confused.” And she shook her head and said, “What was with that ‘dust’ thing?”
And the Lord sighed and said, “I don’t know. I knew it was crazy even while I was saying it, but I couldn’t stop myself. It was just, like, out of nowhere I heard my dad’s voice coming out of my mouth.”
And the Angel said, “Well, I guess we should go talk to them.”
And the Lord said, “What do you mean?”
And the Angel said, “You know, to tell them we changed our mind about the punishment.”
And the Lord said, “No, we’ve got to follow through. Otherwise, they’ll never take anything we say seriously again!” And He handed her the sword and set it on fire and told her to start whirring it.
And the Angel said, “I really don’t think we’re going about this right.”
And the Lord said, “Just let me handle the discipline, O.K.? I know what I’m doing.”
And so the Lord stuck to the banishment thing. But, despite the harsh punishment, the humans continued to sin. And one day the Angel showed the Lord a note from school, and He was, like, “Fuck, this is some major shit.”
And the Angel said, “Yeah, they’re starting to have real behavioral problems. We should talk to a psychologist and get some advice on what to do.”
And the Lord said, “There’s only one thing we can do: bring the hammer down.”
And the Angel said, “What? Why?”
And the Lord said, “Because we set a precedent with that fucking fruit thing! If we don’t punish them at least that much for this new stuff, they’re going to think that sodomy and murder aren’t as bad as, like, sharing a bite of an apple.”
And the Angel said, “I’ve actually been reading a lot about this lately, and most experts agree that punishments are counterproductive.”
And the Lord said, “So, what, we’re just supposed to let them do whatever they want and become drug addicts?”
And the Angel rolled her eyes and said, “I’m obviously not saying that I want them to become drug addicts.” And then she added, softly, “This is why we should’ve signed up for that class.”
And the Lord said, “That class was bullshit!”
And the Angel said, “How would you know? You refused to even read the description on the Web site.”
And the Lord said, “It was held in the basement of a toy store! It was obviously just a scam to sell us toys!”
And that was how the conversation ended, without any resolution about the whole discipline thing.
And so the Lord punished the humans more and more, with floods and plagues and entire centuries without any television, and He kept giving them new rules, some of which made sense, but some of which were arbitrary, like “Don’t mix milk and meat,” which was something He’d just blurted out one morning when He was half asleep but now felt obliged to stick to. And it got to the point where He could barely even keep track of the rules that He had made, or what the penalties were for breaking them. And so the humans were punished inconsistently, in ways that had more to do with His frustration level than with any kind of actual philosophy or game plan. Like, sometimes the humans would have punishments heaped upon them for basically no reason, and sometimes they’d do something truly messed up and get no punishment at all, or even be rewarded with political office.
And the Angel would say, “What happened to being consistent?”
And the Lord would tell her some bullshit about how it was a Test, but really it was just that He was overwhelmed and exhausted and also privately kind of stressed out about money.
And so it came to pass that there was basically zero continuity. And one day, in desperation, the Lord suggested that they pick the ten main rules and engrave them on a pair of stone tablets.
And the Angel said, “A, they’re never going to follow that, and, B, it’s completely unenforceable. Like, the only way to police it would be to watch them around the clock, which would be more of a punishment for us than for them.”
And the Lord broke down and admitted that the Angel was right, and that the tablet thing was crazy, and that He’d only suggested it because He was so beat down and broken and stressed out about money that He didn’t know what the fuck to do anymore about anything.
And the Angel said, “What is going on with you? You can tell me.”
And the Lord took a deep breath and confessed His secret fear: “I feel like the humans are becoming bad people, and it’s all because of me.”
And the Angel took His hand and said, “That isn’t true.”
And the Lord looked hopeful and said, “So you think the humans are turning out all right?”
And the Angel said, “No. They obviously have some real issues. But I don’t think it’s all because of you.”
And the Lord said, “Everything’s all because of me. I’m omnipotent.”
And the Angel said, “I think maybe, when it comes to creating humans, no one is. Sure, you can guide them a little here and there, and, obviously, it’s possible to really fuck them up, like, that’s been proven with those Romanian-orphanage studies. But in general you can’t control what kind of people they become. No matter what you do, they just end up turning into . . . themselves.”
And, as her point was sinking in, the Lord looked down and saw that the humans had started a new war. And He was going to do what He normally did (punish all involved, whether they’d started it or not), but instead He turned to the Angel and said, “Maybe we should go out tonight?”
And the Angel said, “What about the flaming sword?” Because she’d been whirring it around this whole time.
And the Lord was, like, “I’m sorry I made you do that. You can put it down. That was just me being nuts.”
And so they dressed up and went out for the first time in eternity. And they ordered drinks and appetizers and the whole thing. And they talked about fun subjects that they couldn’t discuss when the humans were around, like whether or not Heaven was real, and how the secret numerical code in the Bible really worked. And they had so much fun that it felt like they were back In The Beginning, before they had humans, or even any animals, and it was just the two of them floating around among the sun and moon and stars.
And it came to pass that spending some time away from the humans made them feel better about them. And the Lord quoted some of the cute things He’d overheard them saying lately, like “I have a plan for my future” and “Here is the forecast for tomorrow’s weather.” And the Angel showed the Lord photos of some of the cute crap that the humans had made recently, like forts and towers and cities, and even though the Lord knew that it was going to be a pain in the ass to clean it all up, and that the humans would probably cry when He knocked it all down, He had to admit that it was adorable.
And they stayed out so late that they lost track of time, and their babysitter, Satan, texted them saying the next hour would be forty dollars, because after 10 p.m. counted as overtime.
And the Lord said, “Maybe we should find a different sitter.”
And the Angel said, “There’s no one else. I’ve checked.”
And the Lord told her how grateful He was that they were doing this crazy thing together, because, even though it was a shit show, there was no one in the universe He’d rather create humans with.
And the Angel smiled and said, “Do you ever think about creating more?”
And the Lord said, “No fucking way. I mean, where would we even put them?”
And the Angel shrugged and said, “We could add another continent, or, if that’s too expensive, put up drywall.”
And the Lord laughed and said, “You’re nuts! If we add more humans, we’ll never have a handle on things.”
And the Angel said, “Yeah, but maybe they will.”
And the Lord was taken aback, because He’d never considered that possibility, that someday the humans would know things that He didn’t, fix problems that He couldn’t, make new things that He wouldn’t. He’d been trying to mold them in His image, but maybe they never would be. Maybe, instead, they’d be better.
♦Published in the print edition of the January 2 & 9, 2023, issue of The New Yorker.
There are three main light shows in Tucson, as far as I can tell. There’s the Tucson Botanical Garden, the Tohono Chul Garden, and a neighborhood called Winterhaven. We haven’t gone to Winterhaven, but between the Tucson Botanical Garden and Tohono Chul, we prefer the Tucson Botanical Garden’s winter light show.
I’m just going to post a bunch of photos. I don’t have anything enlightening to say about the photos except, watch for the moon. It was December 7, and there was a full moon that night, which you will see in some of the photos. It was very beautiful.
I hope you enjoyed your virtual walk in the garden.
A friend of mine in Albuquerque, who is a professional writer and a published poet, recently sent me an email saying that she was going to start posting again on an old blog she’s had for awhile but hasn’t posted much recently.
I clicked on her blog and started reading. She has an entry dated Saturday, February 13, 2021 titled, “A Valentine for My Mother, Marlene”. I was dumbstruck by the authenticity and compassion, and how courageous that must have been to write. I think that post of hers should be mandatory reading as we, as a society, attempt to figure out how to handle death, now that advanced medicine can drag the process out for so long.
It’s not exactly a cheerful read, but it’s very compelling.
Thank goodness I made the judgment call to tell the kids we might not be ready for houseguests at Christmas. Because, nope. Here’s the state of the hall bathroom on December 22.
The new medicine cabinet is in, although they broke a light fixture putting it in. There’s no sink or countertop. The toilet is hooked up, although they’re going to have to unhook it again to tile behind it.
Here’s the new tub. We’re making progress.
Don’t worry, that scary turquoise color is not my attempt at southwest style. It’s just tile backing and won’t show when it’s done. And, lol, no, my tub isn’t a southwest style terracotta color, that’s just the paper they taped to the outside of the tub to protect it during the tile install. The bathtub is white. And it’s a nice big one. The funny brown U-shapes on the wall are plastic spacers they use to make sure the tile is lined up exactly right before they put the grout in.
The bathroom looks terrible right now, but it will be nice when it’s finished. But yeah, it’s not done yet.
Meanwhile, John says that the reason we had an ungodly large spider in our living room wasn’t because I haven’t had pest control out recently. It’s because of all the holes in the walls. So I did an inventory of holes in my walls.
You probably don’t really care to see pictures of all the holes in my walls, but I’m posting them here so my friend, Tracey, can do a careful check when she arrives, to make sure they are all plugged up. Because yes, my first, brave, overnight visitor is due to arrive from California during the second half of January, and I plan to be ready. With no spiders!
Holes to be gone:
Yeah, don’t even ask. We did not put that outlet hidden in the recesses of the wall ourselves. That gem came with the house. I don’t know how or why it’s there, but it’s surely not to code.
In case you’re curious, this next one is the guts of the bathtub, as seen from the hall closet. Doesn’t it sort of look like the tub is just sitting on a few stacked bricks? Huh. Is that ok? (La-la-la-la; nothing to see here, moving on…)
I now have a light in my closet and can tell my dark greens from my dark blues and my blacks. Not that anyone cares about clothes anymore, post-pandemic. But I like to be able to see my clothes.
This next large hole is in the master bathroom. We’re not remodeling the master bathroom yet, but they went ahead and did a little plumbing work while the plumber was onsite fixing other corrosion issues (we have lots of corrosion issues). And they had to open up the wall to do so.
I believe my contractor and my husband are both assuming we can just leave it that way until we’re ready to remodel this bathroom at a later date. Um, guys, we might not remodel this bathroom until this summer. Meanwhile, this gaping hole is like a foot from me while I’m in a very vulnerable position. Maybe we can temporarily block it off well enough to keep the spiders from biting my butt.
This next hole is in the ceiling where the range hood used to vent.
It currently has a piece of painted cardboard over it. Thanks John, but…I know that hole is still there!
I could just buy a range hood and get it installed already, but I’m completely stuck regarding range hoods. The type for kitchen islands and peninsulas are insanely expensive and I’ve never seen one I like.
Look at these monstrosities that hang from the ceiling over the ranges that are out on peninsulas or kitchen islands. Talk about in-your-face. (Random picture from the internet)
The current style includes an elegant piece of curved glass at the bottom. And I’m thinking – glass and grease. Great. (Another random picture from the internet)
They also make a style that recesses into your ceiling, but our ceiling is 5 inch thick wood topped by some tarpaper – with no gap, which limits what we can put up there. Plus, the guys didn’t think we should cut an enormous hole in the wood ceiling in order to put the range fan up there. But I don’t want it hanging in my face either.
I do like the fan that’s part of my built-in microwave on the wall to the right of the stove. It’s perfect – I can’t even see it. But the concern is that it’s too far away from the stove to be effective.
I’m tempted to skip the range hood all together, but I have a gas stove and I probably really should have a better vent.
I don’t even remember where these two holes are and I just took these photos this morning. I’m thinking that’s the hall bath ceiling.
These holes are small but they’re in the guest room, so I want to get them filled.
We also got our front door fixed, so it actually opens more than about a foot. I have no idea why they didn’t quite finish out the tile under the front door back when they were tiling MONTHS AGO, but my threshold has been sitting around uninstalled for months, and the door wasn’t working right. Apparently they were waiting – since September – to install it on the COLDEST DAY OF THE YEAR.
It took, for some unknown reason, at least two or three hours – the door hanging open the whole time – to get that little project finished up.
The front door works now. One more step in the right direction.
I guess the weirdest thing about living in the middle of a remodel is having guys coming and going with no notice. I’ll get up in the morning, wander out to get my coffee, and they’ll be electricians out there. Then I have to take my coffee fixings to the bedroom, where hopefully there’s working electricity.
I quickly learned to drag clothes on the minute I stepped out of bed. That way I’m not chasing Biska down the hallway in my robe. Biska LOVES the guys, and they love her too, so keeping her corralled and out of their way keeps me hopping.
One day earlier this week the noise was suddenly so ridiculously loud that I ran around the house like a crazy woman trying to get ready to go somewhere, anywhere. I grabbed my shoes, my dog, her leash, and some water, and ended up on a 2 hour walk. I wasn’t getting my work done, but at least it was good exercise.
Yesterday afternoon I was working in my office when I noticed my house was unusually quiet. I got up and looked out front – no trucks. They had all left. I had my house to myself! I put on a little Christmas music and went back to work. Next thing I know, someone opens my front door, tromps down the hall, loudly uses the hall bathroom (the one they are remodeling – I guess that’s why they bothered to hook up the toilet even though they will have to unhook it again to do the wall tile – so they can use it). Then the guy tromps back down the hall and back out the front door. The house was quiet again. I don’t even know who it was!
Don’t worry, if you are scheduled to visit me, we will pause the remodel, so there won’t be random guys coming in unannounced to use the facilities. It’s not like a few days off is going to slow our progress down appreciably!
Speaking of my remodel being slowed down (repeatedly), have I mentioned the French doors have gone missing? We ordered them in November. It was only supposed to take one week for them to arrive, but now I can’t even get a status update.
I guess we’ll go a bit longer without French doors. It doesn’t matter too much. But if I had doors, I’d be working in the living room instead of in my bedroom, which is adjacent to the banging in the hall bathroom.
That’s all for now! More updates soon. Happy Holidays everyone!
Looks like I forgot to post this from a week or two ago. Here’s a Tucson remodel update, and I’ll have another one for you soon.
Did I tell you about when I first got back to Tucson and wasn’t yet accustomed to living in the middle of a remodel with guys coming randomly and suddenly at 7 AM? One day my contractor texted me at 6:53 AM wanting to come over at 7:00.
At the time I was thinking, WTF, seriously? I get 5 minutes warning? Turns out he meant 7:30. And nowadays I’m used to that sort of thing anyway. I’m like, fine, come on over whenever. Whatever. Let’s just get this work done.
Now I have a system for dealing with contractors arriving at the house at 7 AM, given that I’m not a 7 AM person. They have a code to get into the house, and I’m like, come on in and do your thing. I’ll be hiding in the master bedroom, pretend I’m not home. If you need anything, I’ll be available after 8:00.
At 6:55 I pull clothes on for “just in case” and then I go back to bed (lol). I don’t actually go back to sleep, but I want my coffee time and I’m not ready to talk to anyone that early. I have it all set up to make my coffee in my room so I don’t have to walk out into the kitchen and deal with the guys out there. I’ve got a teapot, and cups and my french press. Works great.
It’s also useful that our master bedroom has a sliding glass door to the backyard, so I can let Biska outside without having to interact with the contractors. I’ve also moved a small table into the master bedroom, so I have everything I need to work while in hiding. So I have no excuse for not doing my Christmas cards (yep, haven’t even started on them).
I usually like my house really warm, because I’m very cold blooded and a lot of the time I’m sitting at my desk. But I don’t want my contractors overheating while they work, because that’s not good for productivity or moral. So I’ve been keeping the house cold and running electric space heaters in my room by my desk.
It all works fine! But I’m dreading when it comes time to remodel the master bathroom. I will lose my sanctuary! I’m seriously considering delaying the master bathroom remodel until August, when we will (hopefully) be in Seattle again. The master bathroom is going to be a big job. We’ll be removing a wall and switching the location of the toilet and shower.
Meanwhile, here’s some recent photos.
No tub in the hall bathroom:
Working toilet but no sink or countertop, with construction mess on the temporary plywood countertop:
New tub:
Drywall around the tub:
We’re also putting more lights in the family room. Originally it had two ugly, old dim lights. Now we’ve got holes for 6 new bright lights.
I’m always reluctant to put holes in wood, but I like a lot of light because I don’t see well otherwise. My contractor, Neil, is a believer in lots of light too, so the two of us collude and we end up with too much light! We’ll put them on dimmers.
We’re making better progress now that I’m out here, even though it’s awkward living in the middle of a remodel.
I’ll write more about mine soon too. But hers is much bigger and scarier.
Last weekend she wrote, “We’ve been back in our house a week and had still been eating off of our living room floor for the past week because I’ve been so busy, either working or home with the kids because our nanny has been sick. But proud of what I pulled together in our dining room today!”
I believe these next two photos are her kitchen. She says, “I figure I’m going to be without a kitchen forever. The biggest issue is our only small sink is in the bathroom on the second floor, so quite inconvenient.” Inconvenient, I guess! More like, impossible.
She says, “The space on the back wall to the left is for the fridge.” What space on what back wall? I barely know what I’m looking at – I’m just like, yup, house guts. Everywhere.
Then she says, “Of course our mini fridge decided to die two nights ago, so all of our food has been out in the front porch, luckily it’s been mostly cold enough outside.”
She attempts to stay positive, saying, “I got a new fridge delivered today! Just have to wait for Bryan to get back so we can get it put in.” I’m glad she didn’t have to wait 6 months for a refrigerator.
Then she goes on to say, “Unfortunately the work in a house has slowed to a snail’s base. And our contractor is out for the next 2 weeks so nothing will be done until January.” Yikes. My contractors are slow but steady. I’ve got work happening up through December 23 and then starting back up again December 26.
And finally she comments, “And I’m noticing some stuff that’s been broken since they started working here but I assume everything will get fixed up before it’s all over.” Well it should, yes, but make a list!
And yep, I hear ya. I’ve got damaged possessions, damaged parts of the house that weren’t part of the remodel, and even a few small chips on my brand new floor tile.
I can’t imagine trying to do such a big remodel with both of them with full-time jobs, plus three little kids. But I can’t wait to go visit when it’s all done!
There’s tons of articles out there right now about how to be good at giving gifts, but here’s an interesting article about how to be good at receiving gifts. Which is often harder. Here’s how to “make receiving them into an act of giving itself.”
I had such an interesting and affirming meeting last week. I had been vaguely worried about the meeting all week, because I didn’t quite understand what it was for. Someone who founded an autism alliance for autistic adults in Michigan reached out wanting to list my life coaching as a resource on her website. That’s not surprising, because that’s who I work with – adults on the autism spectrum. And I work over the phone so I can absolutely support people in Michigan. But I was a little confused about why she wanted to have a video call. Couldn’t she just list me?
I decided she wanted to screen me – it was probably an informal interview. That’s why I got a bit nervous. Or possibly it was a sales call? She said it was a free listing, but maybe it was some sort of contract where they pay me a percentage and take a cut? If so, I wasn’t interested. I run solo only.
But I decided to have the meeting and see where it led. Here’s the funny part. The very moment I saw her on zoom I was instantly and completely at ease. I could tell she was on the autism spectrum herself, and I felt like, thank god, someone whose language I understand. The pressure was instantly off, and I was absolutely comfortable with her from the very first moment. You probably want to know how I knew she was on the autism spectrum, but I don’t know how to describe it. I just felt it – right away.
She started off the meeting telling me her cat was dying, and I felt bad for her. Then we had a brief chat about a few terminology changes in our field. For example, the terms “high functioning” is frowned upon nowadays and we talked about alternatives. The best terminology takes into account the fact that individuals on the spectrum can be very high functioning in some areas but simultaneously low functioning in other areas.
My clients may be successful doctors and engineers, but perhaps not as successful at a work after-hours social functions or potentially not even successful managing to go grocery shopping. So we discussed the merits of the terms “low support needs” and “high support needs” as applied to situations, not persons. For example, I have high support needs in some areas of my life, but low support needs in other areas of my life.
We also discussed the fact that the term Asperger Syndrome has fallen out of favor and is no longer used for diagnosis, but some people still have that diagnosis from years past, and some don’t like to be called autistic.
I never did fully understand what the meeting was for, but it was a nice connection, and a pleasant 20 minute chat. I guess that’s what it was for. There is an erroneous myth that people on the spectrum don’t like to connect with others, but that’s bogus. We do. We just don’t like being expected to interact like neurotypical people do and don’t enjoy being judged harshly when we connect in the way that we prefer instead. She and I connected in our way, and that 20 minutes was one of the highlights of my week. It reminded me that I’m not just a life coach, I am an autism professional and that’s what I’m good at.
Then a few days later a colleague of hers called me to actually get my information listed. He carefully went over my contact information and a brief blurb about what I do as he added it to their website. Then he told me he was on the spectrum too. Yep 🙂
Meanwhile, someone recently emailed to ask if I offer a sliding scale. When I was first starting out 20 years ago I did, but I haven’t for years. She suggested that there should be autism coaches that do, because a lot of people on the autism spectrum have trouble with their careers. She says, “many of us are very highly intelligent, but under-employed, so we often do not have much money. So how are we to succeed in our goals and dreams, if we need some help to get established, yet no professionals are willing to work with us in order to assist with that?”
I’m not going to go back to offering a sliding scale myself, but it got me wondering about new coaches for the autism community. I’m heading toward retirement and I have a lot to offer. Maybe it’s time to pass some of that on to others. Maybe I could train other people on the autism spectrum to be life coaches. They wouldn’t have to coach clients who are also on the spectrum, but that would be the idea. Autistic coaches for autistic clients. Because we’re the ones who truly get it.
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