About half of you are going “Puppy ❤️ Puppy ❤️ Puppy ❤️” and the other half of you are going, “What the heck is going on in Boise?!? Why do you keep darkly hinting about having to suddenly go to Boise? Should we be worried? Would you stop posting dog pictures and just let us know what’s going down out there?“
As most of you know, the youngest of my two kids came out as non-binary a year ago, goes by “they/them” pronouns, uses the first name “Callan” for general and professional use and the nickname “Serenity” for close friends and family. Callan and Callan’s girlfriend, Chirstina, have been living in Callan’s 3-bed, 3-bath house with two roommates; a lesbian couple named Heidi & Kylie. Callan owns the house.
For nearly a year I had been hearing rumors that Heidi and Kylie were drama-prone drunks and were behind on their rent payments. When I visited in July I didn’t actually get a chance to meet the roommates, but I heard that they were in the process of moving out. Chirstina and Callan had even interviewed a potential new roommate.
That was in July. After that, nothing much seemed to change. At first, Callan had started to become more insistent about trying to collect the owed rent. But more recently, it seemed as if Callan wasn’t worried about the rent anymore. Everything was fine. I questioned Callan occasionally, but I didn’t want to be an overly involved mom. It is Callan’s house after all. Callan kept telling me that yes, the roommates were behind on their rent, but don’t worry, everything was ok.
Toward the end of September I was talking on the phone with Chirstina and she was quite stressed out. She was telling me a strange story about how the roommates put the kitchen bar stools in the garage as a “punishment” to teach Chirstina a lesson because she kept failing to push the chairs in under the counter overhang when she was done using them.
On one hand, this seemed like a very minor spat. On the other hand, it was ringing alarm bells. It was just strange. Who does that? They put the chairs in the garage to teach her a lesson? Wha?!? Why were these roommates harassing Callan’s girlfriend in such a petty and weird way, when they weren’t even caught up on their rent payments?
Finally Chirstina turns to Callan, who was nearby, and asked permission to tell me the story. To tell me what was actually going on.
It came out in a jumble but I was able to piece together that the roommates were controlling Callan and Chirstina by screaming at them, bullying them, taunting them, and, believe it or not, blackmailing them. Callan and Chirstina, who are by personality natural peacemakers, were simply appeasing their roommates, hoping to not set them off. Pretty soon the roommates were running the household like tyrants and refusing to “let” Callan and Chirstina tell me or anyone else what was going on. Part of the mind-games the roommates used were lots of lots of “I love you’s” and other supportive sounding statements.
This kind of manipulation can easily happen to someone on the autism spectrum. Those on the spectrum often struggle with social situations and can be very conflict avoidant due to lack of negotiation skills.
Controlling and manipulative relationships can happen to anyone. Over time people can find themselves in a situation that involves a combination of apparent love along with abuse. The controllers do what they can to isolate those being controlled. Those being controlled can lose their self-esteem and lose the belief that they can safely get out of the situation. They become increasingly isolated and increasingly desperate to appease their abusers and keep the situation a secret for their own safety. It can feel safer to stay in the relationship and appease the abuser than to try to get out of the relationship.
In our society we don’t tend to clearly recognize or understand this type of abusive relationship dynamic, and when we do, we tend to assume it only happens within a romantic relationship. But it can happen among friends, family, roommates, or in the workplace.
Heidi and Kylie were controlling Callan and Chirstina with their manipulative drama tactics. Callan and Chirstina would repeatedly back down and capitulate in order to avoid drama.
In this way, Heidi and Kylie had avoided paying rent for many months. They made promise after promise, continually reassuring Callan, who was not willing to have the confrontation necessary to literally kick these deadbeats out.
And realistically, how does one make someone leave one’s own house? I can’t imagine refusing to leave if someone asked me to leave their house. Can you imagine the gall? To continue to live in someone’s house with them against their will? Who would do that? These roommates, apparently.
The roommates had also taken over Callan’s car. Callan could borrow it back occasionally, if and when the roommates didn’t need it. The roommates had also pretty much taken over the house. Callan and Chirstina weren’t allowed to use the kitchen when the roommates wanted it or to even be in the dining room or living room when the roommates wanted the kitchen.
Then things had gotten even worse. What started out as manipulative ended up as blackmail. More on that next post.
A recent post left us guessing what kind of puppy we have. The rescue group told us she was a poodle, but Biska doesn’t look anything like a poodle. She looks like a golden retriever or a Labrador retriever.
For example, here’s Murphy, Laura’s coworker’s 17-week-old “English Cream Golden Retriever”.
And here’s Biska in approximately the same pose at approximately the same age:
Right? Everybody who sees her says retriever. I said yellow lab (Labrador retriever). Most of my friends said golden retriever. Yellow labs have slightly shorter coats than goldens, but they are similar dogs.
So we got her DNA tested. Now, as a caveate, these tests may not be particularly accurate (although they’re much better nowadays than years past). These results aren’t guaranteed but…
Pit Bull! OMG. PIT BULL?!? It’s true I had guessed…“Most mutts around here contain at least some pit bull and some chihuahua.” But still, I really thought she was part retriever. The rescue group told me that both Biska’s mom, and Biska’s mom’s sister, arrived at the same time, both pregnant. That sounded to me like a puppy mill raid, so I figured they were attempting to breed golden doodles. I figured I had a designer dog (albeit potentially poorly bred).
But if the dad is a pit bull, it wasn’t a puppy mill. It was just someone with a couple of miniature poodles who failed to spay them, and failed to keep them away from what could have been a 60 pound pit bull.
She doesn’t look anything like a pit bull! Pits have really wide heads and faces, and are stocky with broad shoulders. Biska is long and thin, with a narrow face, narrow shoulders and long, long legs. She can squeeze through the thinnest gap like a cat. She does NOT resemble a pit bull. She looks less like a pit bull than she does a poodle!
Maybe pit bull mixed with gazelle.
Who knows, maybe she really is a pit-poodle-shepherd-kitchen-sink mix. I googled it and sure enough, there’s a name for a poodle-pit mix. It’s called a Pit Boodle. A German shepherd mixed with a poodle is called a Shepadoodle, so if we include her potential 10% German shepherd, that would make her “Biscochito the Pit Boodle Shepadoodle Supermutt.” Say that three times fast, lol.
Here’s the question. We travel a lot. When we declare our dog to the airbnb owners, what do we say she is? If we tell them that she’s a poodle mix, and then they see her, they’re going to look at us like, “Quit trying to scam us, that’s no poodle.” But I can’t say she’s a pit mix because nobody allows pits. Even places that claim to be large-dog friendly have fine print (or unwritten rules) saying no pit bulls. I know this because I had a pit bull once. He was the most calm and gentle dog I’ve ever owned. Unfortunately he died at a young age of a heart defect.
Pit bulls have a bad reputation because they were originally bred to be fighting dogs, and even though it’s now illegal, many are still trained to fight. So a disproportionate number of serious dog bites are from pit bulls. But they’re not biters if properly trained, and in fact, most dogs bite out of anxiety, and larger dogs tend to be calmer and less anxious than smaller ones.
Nonetheless, many landlords, apartment complexes, airbnb’s and hotels ban pit bulls even when they accept other kinds of large dogs. Also some homeowners insurance policies view pit bulls as liabilities and charge higher rates. So I probably shouldn’t even be posting this!
Biska is a bit “mouthy” as a puppy, but most dogs are, especially golden retrievers (and some poodles). According to the internet, “The Golden retriever is hands down the number one breed when it comes to being mouthy. For many breeds out there, nipping, biting, and licking often ceases after the puppy stage. However, for a Golden retriever, the behavior is highly likely to go on into adulthood. Part of the reason for this is that this breed was bred to “retrieve” small game without hurting or killing them. Doing this taught him to explore his world with his mouth. Thankfully, proper training can alleviate the behavior once and for all.” Well, we’re working on it!
Poodles were also bred to retrieve small game; specifically they are water retrievers – bred in Europe to retrieve waterfowl shot down over wetlands. So if that internet article is true, the same idea would apply to poodles too. Of the three previous poodles we’ve owned, Kai was always very mouthy and spent the majority of his time chewing on chew toys. Rosie wasn’t mouthy at all, and Kira is – only in the sense that she is a true retrieving dog. All she cares about in life is playing fetch!
Anyway, Biska doesn’t look anything like a pit bull. Or a poodle. So what label should I attach to this beautiful supermutt, to help people make sense of who she is? I think what I’ll say is she’s a medium-sized mixed breed who looks like a small golden retriever. Because that’s 100% true. And it’s a more meaningful description than a Pit Boodle!
Next question – how big will she get? Don’t know! They always say to look at the size of the puppy’s feet to predict their adult size, but I thought her feet were relatively small when we first got her. Her feet have since grown a lot! So maybe that’s a myth.
I’m not sure if she’ll stay thin or if that’s just a teenager stage and she’ll fill out. She eats an enormous amount of food. No, I’m not tracking how much she’s eating. She’s so thin, I just fill her bowl every time I notice it’s empty.
At first I guessed she would be 20-25 pounds because her mom’s only 11 pounds. John guessed 25-30 pounds. Good thing there’s nothing but my reputation riding on that bet, because we’re now both guessing at least 30 pounds. She’s already 15 pounds at 4 months old!
Me and my faux poodle:
And uh, yeah, as you might have guessed, that’s not Tucson or Albuquerque. That picture was taken somewhere in or near Boise, Idaho. More on that soon!
First I want to apologize for the lack of posts lately. There’s been a very big thing going on that I’ll write about later – probably in December once everything is sorted out. Meanwhile I’ve been unexpectedly busy and am about a month behind on my posts.
This is a fun night John and I had together in Tucson back in the beginning of October. It’s a painting class! And it was surprisingly easy (as long as you weren’t overly critical of your own work). The instructor told us what to do, step by step, and it somehow worked out!
This is one of the few times (or only time?) I’ve been indoors with strangers without masks since the start of the pandemic. The flier had said the class would be out on the patio, but it wasn’t after all. I guess we could have put on masks once we realized it was being held indoors, but we must not have thought of it, or not felt it was necessary. There were only a few of us in the room.
We’re using acrylic paints. I’ve only painted once or twice before in my life and I’ve always used watercolors. Turns out acrylics are vastly easier than watercolors! With acrylics if it doesn’t look right, you can just paint right over top of it again. As many times as you want!
With watercolors if you don’t like it, you just gotta learn to like it. You get one shot and that’s it. And with watercolors you never know what you’re going to get. They run all funny on the paper in varying intensities, lolling around in all different directions muddying up the other colors. Acrylics just go where you put them.
Here’s the start of mine vs. the start of John’s. It was fun how we were doing the same painting but each one turned out differently.
With watercolors you have to leave white space for everything else you want to add to the picture. You have to have everything figured out ahead of time. But with acrylics, you just paint right over top the background however you feel like!
John and I chose different colors for the pickup truck and the pumpkins in the foreground.
Here’s the paintings done by the couple sitting across from us. It was interesting to see how they all varied.
This little guy is blow drying his painting so he can add more paint.
He was really globbing the paint on with confidence, so it was taking longer for his to dry. His mom gave me permission to take the picture, but in the ensuing month I’ve forgotten his name. Look at that expression, lol, clearly a future heartbreaker. And great painting! Check out the pink worms on the pavement!
Ta-da! It’s not fine art, but we decided they were good enough to hang during October as part of our seasonal Halloween decorations.
What sort of poodle is this? Here she is in September at 2 months. Her mom’s a poodle. Her dad – definitely isn’t! Any guesses?
Here’s what I said back in September, “I think she looks like a yellow Labrador retriever or golden retriever puppy except her face is narrower. Which makes sense because poodles have narrow faces. So I’m guessing her dad is a retriever mix of some sort…Most mutts around here contain at least some pit bull and some chihuahua. So I wouldn’t be surprised to find either one or both of those in her, even though she doesn’t look like either one of those…I’m guessing she’ll be 20-25 pounds when she’s full grown.”
A golden retriever mixed with a poodle is called a golden doodle. Here’s an example of a similar colored golden doodle:
This golden doodle puppy is probably just shy of two months old, so a bit younger, which would make him rounder and more puppy faced. But still, Biska’s face was always narrower than that and her ears are higher on her head.
Also Biska is smaller than the designer breed goodendoodles, aussiedoodles, labradoodles, etc. because they generally use standard poodles, which are 40-50 for the females pounds, but Biska’s mom was a miniature poodle at only 11 pounds. Biska was about 6 pounds at 2 months and about 10 pounds at 3 months. So her dad would have been bigger than her mom for sure. I’m guessing she will end up to be 20-25 pounds, John’s guessing 25-30 pounds.
John and I were doing our guessing in late September when she was still 2 months old, but I’m going to give you an advantage – here’s some more recent pictures from late October at age 3 months. She’s still all puppy, but she’s getting long and tall. Now you can really see her big ears starting to want to stand up.
And that long, long tail – if it didn’t have a slight up-curve it would drag on the ground!
Let me know your guesses! We’ll do the big reveal soon!
Of all the issues we expected to arise with Tucson, mosquitoes was not one we had anticipated. It’s the desert. No water, no mosquitoes, right? Sure there’s a little issue with monsoon rains during July and August, but Albuquerque has monsoons too, without the mosquitoes.
So why does Tucson have tons of mosquitoes but Albuquerque doesn’t? Turns out Tucson gets tiger mosquitoes (so named because they are striped). These are warm-climate mosquitoes and apparently Albuquerque is a bit too far north and too high in elevation for them.
Tiger mosquitoes don’t need much water. The large northern mosquitoes that I’m used to breed in water, such as in wetlands and ponds. These little Tiger mosquitoes in Tucson breed on the very edges of tiny bits of water, such as under a flower pot or in indentations in tree bark. Their larvae can remain dormant but alive for literally years with no water at all. Then when there finally is a bit water, they suddenly come alive!
They are more aggressive than northern mosquitoes and are more likely to follow you into your car and your house. They’re also small, very fast, and nearly silent. They are also active all through the middle of the day, and not just in the early mornings and evenings. These little stealth mosquitoes are truly out to get you. And they carry all kinds of diseases.
I think I’ve already bored you with my complaints about this year’s unusually wet monsoon and the subsequent mosquitoes in an earlier post. The more pertinent question is – can anything be done?
I’ve been in a major learning curve trying to figure out how to deal with these mosquitoes. The key for control is to make sure you don’t have any standing water. Not even a tiny amount for a short period of time. Uhhh – how?
Standing water, saturated outdoor rugs:
Heavy rains:
Gutters draining into the wrong places:
Standing water in the alley:
Not to mention – everyone has a pool! These little mosquitoes don’t lay eggs in the middle of the pool. They would deposit them around the edge, under the overhang, in the trap, or near the filter and pump – small hidden areas that are occasionally damp.
I cannot keep my entire property completely dry during monsoon season.
I started buying things to combat mosquitoes. I started with lotions and potions. This one smells good, but doesn’t work:
This one is useful when backpacking because it is small and doesn’t leak. But it’s greasy, smells horrible, dissolves clothing and plastic, and is not something I want on me on a regular basis.
I cannot figure out how to spray myself with these things without gagging, and dripping it everywhere and spraying everything except for myself. Plus, it doesn’t even seem to help much. Plus, everything I just said about deet.
This is a newer formula which is supposed to be better than deet, and does help some, but I’m still being dive bombed.
Some of my friends spray their vegetation and did buy a can of that. I used it to try and get the mosquitoes out of my laundry room, but I didn’t want to spray it on all my vegetation because I’m afraid of killing bees.
I know it’s possible to get a pest company to come and fog the yard. But again, I don’t want to kill bees. And the pest company told me they would only get about 50% of the mosquitos anyway. There’s hundreds of these dang things, so I’m not sure how useful that will be. But I’m thinking next year, to hell with the bees.
Next we tried zappers.
These zappers reviewed well, but it ended up making everything worse. First of all, it was gross. It made horrible zapping, killing-insect noises. Exceedingly unsettling.
It also attracted bugs to my patio!
My patio became insect safari!
Bugs of all sorts!
This video is like something out of a horror movie (one of those B-rate, so ridiculous it’s funny ones, especially if you watch it all the way to the middle where I get attacked). And just so you get the mood right, this is bedtime, and I’m home alone, in my pajamas, and I’ve gotten out of bed to investigate strange and scary noises coming from my patio.
It was Halloween at my house a month early.
So now what? We set a couple of passive mosquito traps out, but they only trap mosquitoes who have already bitten you and are looking for somewhere to lay eggs.
Finally we decided to buy the mother of all mosquito traps – a huge, expensive thing that requires a CO2 canister, that attracts and then traps the mosquitoes.
First issue – where to put it? We’re supposed to put it in a low, shaded spot. It’s Tucson – we don’t have any shaded spots. We also have a puppy so we don’t have any safe low spots. We finally set it up behind a patio chair next to the BBQ grill. Sooo, who’s going to sit in that chair now? It WAS my favorite chair. Now I’m not going to go near it. Obviously we’re going to have to find a better spot for the thing.
Second issue – now we have to drive all the way across town to refill our CO2 every couple of weeks.
Third issue – we are attracting mosquitoes! So no, we do not have the mosquito issue figured out yet.
By the end of September I was so dang frustrated with the mosquito situation that I went online and reserved an airbnb in Seattle for all of August 2022. An entire month! It’s a cute little, dog friendly, relatively affordable guest house, just a few blocks from the Puget Sound.
Kayaking here we come! And excellent seafood, and all the amenities of Seattle, in the only warm and dry month of the year up in Washington. I’m soooo, looking forward to it.
Just a modest little place, but very Seattle.
So August 2022 is handled. What about September? We could go anywhere in September – it’s one of the best months in most of the US (except Tucson). Maybe I’ll spend September 2022 in Boston with my sister. She doesn’t know that yet. Well, now she does 😉
Some of you have noticed that I haven’t posted any blog posts for awhile. My intention, as soon as I finished posting the wonderful pictures Laura sent from Spain, was to post puppy pictures. I have lots of adorable, happy, funny puppy pictures and videos for your entertainment! All I needed to do was to get them uploaded.
Then life happened. It’s been an extremely challenging last few weeks, and I’ll tell you about that soon. But meanwhile, let’s reel the story back to early September, before life got a bit more difficult.
We have a pool in Tucson, and we decided to introduce Biska to the water right away. Part of her puppy training is to make sure she knows how to swim and get herself out of the water on her own.
Turns out she doesn’t like water! Well, baby steps. We got her a little pool too.
Trying again:
Ok, enough getting used to the water. He she is, 3 weeks later. Time to go swimming! In this video I’m teaching Biska to head toward the steps to get out.
Here’s some cute pictures:
Playing in the backyard:
Here she is, learning to ring bells at the door to be let outside to go potty. Typically (when not videoing), I would come running and open the door each time she played with the bells. Biska quickly learned that ringing the bells would make me come running. Oh, the power of the bells!
Every time she rang the bells, I’d come and take her outside. Then if she pottied, she’d get a treat. She had the system figured out in no time! And boy did she milk that for all it was worth. When she first figured it out, it seemed like I was letting her out to potty every 5 minutes!
For several exhausting days Biska rang those bells every time I left the room. She was going through a brief period of separation anxiety. Luckily I was able to work with her with that, and she’s ok being left alone now. Separation anxiety can be quite serious if it persists in older dogs, but for her it was a brief stage that we were able to get past.
She will still whine a bit when I leave her, but she won’t panic.
Biska’s a smart dog and it’s a challenge to keep her from getting bored. I bought some fun puppy puzzles. She has to move levers or flip things open to get to the food hidden inside.
Like most puppies, she is full of energy. When I first got her she seemed unusually calm, but I think she was just very young. The rescue group put Biska’s birthdate as July 12, but I think they got her mixed up with her mom’s sister’s litter. They rescued two pregnant poodles who had their pups a week apart. I know Biska is from the second litter, and I’m pretty sure she was actually born July 19. So she was fairly young when I first got her.
I don’t think I ever posted her advertisement picture. Here it is – now you can see why I couldn’t resist! I’m not sure when this picture was taken – I’m guessing approximate age of 6 weeks.
Here she is on September 25 acting like you would expect from a puppy 😉
Occasionally she comes to a screeching halt – naptime!
Sitting for pictures! Biska’s doing a great job at learning “sit”, although she still thinks the best way to get someone’s attention is to jump on them first and then sit. Before I can even open my mouth to say “down”, she’s already sitting. How do I train her out of that?
During September Biska was still officially being “fostered” by us, because they wouldn’t let us adopt her until she was old enough to be spayed. It’s best to spay a dog at several months old, but the rescue places push it as early as possible in order to get the pups spayed before releasing them for adoption. I would have been willing to foster her longer in order to delay the spay until she was a bit bigger, but the rescue group was not flexible. Her spay appointment was scheduled for October 4, supposedly at age 12 weeks, but likely only 11 weeks.
Although I was reluctant to have her spayed so young, we’ve been really looking forward to getting the adoption process over with!
Along a river, halfway between picturesque Cadaqués on the sea and Barcelona, is a charming, historic town called Girona, complete with medieval architecture, gardens, and watchtowers.
This time Laura and Alex’s room is located right over shops and restaurants.
They can relax on their balcony and still feel like they’re out experiencing Spain. It’s loud at night though!
Turns out Girona is a cycling mecca, so now Alex wants to move there! Too bad they can’t do their remote work from Spain!
All too soon it is time to head home. Although it was a good thing, Laura says, because on their last morning there, workers started doing construction on their building and it was very loud!
There was a train strike so they had to take the bus to Barcelona.
Laura says “We caught a bus bound for Barcelona airport, and figured we’d take it to the end since our hotel is near the airport. But then as soon as we hit Barcelona the traffic was horrible, so we got off at the first bus station on the far side of town. Then we took the subway to the center of town and left our bags at a storage place, and got some lunch about two hours later than usual. We got in some last minute shopping, ate vegan ice cream, and picked up empanadas for dinner. Then we picked up our bags and took the subway to the hotel. Just got here, tired and hungry.”
Early the next morning the headed to the airport to take their rapid covid test. The kind, she says, where they “stick the swab aaaaaall the way up”. It only takes 20 minutes for the results, and then they’re allowed to check in.
Here they are hanging out in the airport lounge, getting breakfast.
The breakfast that was provided consisted of soft pretzels, grilled chicken, and sauerkraut. And candy mice, lol. She says they look and feel like marshmallows, but are more like gummy candies when you eat them.
I’ve always found breakfast to be strange in other countries. Often what is eaten for breakfast is the same types of foods as is eaten for lunch and dinner. Spicy shrimp soup with lots of garlic in Thailand, salmon and seaweed with raw egg in Japan, etc. So hey, gummy marshmallow mice isn’t actually all that bad!
Laura and Alex arrived home safely late Saturday night. Now I’ll go back to blogging about our new puppy, who has grown immensely in the past week!
Next on the itinerary, after the festival in Barcelona with Alex’s cousins, is a visit to the quaint seaside Spanish town of Cadaqués. Laura says, “No adventure is complete without a bus ride on a twisty narrow road.”
Then she says, “All worth it, I brought my dream vacation to life!”
On the morning they planned to leave, google told them the bus was at 10:30 when it really was at 10:00. Oops, they missed the bus! The next bus wasn’t until 3:00. So, the took more excellent pictures of Cadaqu´es while they waited.
By this point in the trip Laura’s stomach was upset, so she did not enjoy the bus ride out. But they made it! Next stop…Girona.
Laura is in Spain! They have a fun itinerary, starting in the Barcelona area and then moving on to some smaller towns by the sea.
On Wednesday she sent me these photos, wow!
Laura gets tired when they do too much, so in addition to sightseeing, they try to spend plenty of time relaxing at cafés.
One of the planned highlights of the Barcelona section of their trip is the La Mercè festival. Laura and Alex planned to go to the festival with Alex’s cousin, Julia, and her partner Dave. Julia and Dave live in Germany, and the plan was to meet in Spain and go to the festival together.
But on Thursday Laura texted me with the extremely disappointing news – “Because of covid they’re closing off all the streets where festival activities are happening and requiring tickets. Tickets are free, but sold out. So no La Mercé for us.“
What a disappointment! All the way to Spain and then not able to get into the festival! I didn’t hear from her again on Thursday, or all day Friday.
On Saturday morning I woke up to this amazing picture of Laura, Alex and Julia, all looking very happy:
And the explanation from Laura, “We found the part of the festival that didn’t require tickets“
Yay!!! They got to go to the festival after all!
Here is Laura, Alex, and Dave.
Here’s more Barcelona pictures:
Later Alex went back to the festival but Laura was too tired. She stayed behind at the hotel, and had to find dinner on her own. At first she was a little daunted by the prospect, but was delighted to find gluten-free empanadas just two blocks from the hotel!
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