Category: May 2020

Our first outing!

I’ve really been missing being out in the woods. I’ve always loved pine trees in the summer time. We’re lucky to have two big pines in our own yard. John put up our camping hammock for me, so I could pretend I was camping right here in my backyard!

The pines have been making an incredible amount of pollen. Last week whenever the wind gusted, you could see the pollen coming off the trees in a cloud. It looked like smoke! It landed everywhere, and coated our entire backyard.

This is pollen all over my outdoor coffee table.

It’s hard to tell in the photo, but the pollen is a light greenish-yellowish color. It reminded me of living in Washington state, where the same thing happened, except in Washington the pollen would coat the mud puddles and leave yellow streaks on the wet, black pavement as it washed down the streets.

I’ve been wanting to go hiking, or at least get out into the trees. Everything aligned just right on Sunday. I was feeling fairly well because the previous week was my recovery week with no chemo pills. We figured I was feeling as well as I was going to feel for awhile, because chemo was starting again the next day. Our weather here has been warm but exceedingly windy. On Sunday the wind died down briefly in the afternoon and we grabbed our chance.

We decided we’d drive up to the north side of the Sandias, which is only about half hour away. The trails up there get less use, because they are farther away than the many trails we have right here along the east side of Albuquerque. And we knew of one trail in particular that rarely gets much use at all. It’s off a back road, unnamed, unmarked, and doesn’t actually go anywhere.

Another good thing about this particular trail is it doesn’t climb very steeply (that being correlated with the fact that it doesn’t actually go anywhere). Most of the local trails make their way up to the crest eventually, which is a long, hard climb. But this one just meanders slowly up a low lying wash.

We took the camper van so I could rest in the van if needed. I didn’t want to get out there and have to turn right around and drive home if I wasn’t feeling well. We figured if I wasn’t up for hiking, we could hang out in the van with the side door wide open and enjoy the forest from there. We brought food and magazines.

I hiked very slowly, but to my surprise, I walked for almost 40 minutes out, and 40 minutes back, which is vastly farther than I’ve walked since my surgery. It was only a month or so ago that I was barely managing to walk one block. It was really wonderful to be out hiking again.

Yay trees! I’m all covered up because the meds make me sensitive to the sun.

And mountains in the distance. I was very happy.

On our way down I heard talking up ahead, so I assumed we were coming upon a small group of hikers. But when I rounded the bend, I saw just one man, sprawled out in the sand, talking to himself.

I stopped, confused, trying to assess the threat level. He was laying on his stomach with his head in the sand, his knees pulled up under himself. Was he hurt? Did he need help? Was he crazy? Dangerous?

He was speaking in a soothing voice and didn’t appear threatening. Then I saw it – his phone propped up facing him. And in one brief instant I realized he was in a yoga pose – he was a yoga instructor, filming himself leading an online yoga class.

I stood there, not sure what to do. I didn’t want to photo bomb his yoga class! John came up behind me and said, “We can just go around.” I whispered back, “He’s filming.”

Just then the yoga instructor looked up and smiled, and motioned us to go ahead and walk through. I didn’t look toward the camera. I’d like to imagine that hikers quietly walking by increased the already excellent ambiance of his socially-distanced yoga class. It almost made me wish I knew who he was so I could join his class. Except I don’t like yoga, despite knowing a couple of instructors and having several friends who love it. It was a great place to have a class though! Just don’t lay down on any cactus.

After we got back to the van we hung out for awhile and enjoyed the view before driving home.

What Activities Are Safe?

I don’t usually just repost articles, but this one is very good. The author, Erin Bromage, is a professor of immunology. It’s about how COVID is transmitted, to help us better understand what’s dangerous and what’s not dangerous. Thanks to John for sending it to me (and to Erin Bromage for writing it).

https://www.erinbromage.com/post/the-risks-know-them-avoid-them

The good days and the bad days

I’m in middle of a break week, between rounds of chemo. Unfortunately the side effects of chemo persist for quite awhile, so it’s not like I magically feel better the moment I quit taking the pills. However, I have had good days, or good parts-of-days. And I’ve had some bad days too.

The bad days include stomach issues. My stomach cycles through all the various non-fun things you don’t want your stomach to be doing. Every day is a new day, with new different kinds of stomach problems, yay! Bad days also include migraines, tooth & jaw pain, hand and foot pain, rashes, blotches, eczema and a variety of other more minor issues.

I’m also generally very tired and don’t sleep well at night. I’m having hot flashes at night, and I wonder if I’m actually going into menopause? It’s time, I’m that age. So yeah. World pandemic, cancer, migraines, menopause, let’s just get it all over with at once! On bad days I also have bad moods. Anxiety, depression, irritability. There are times when I just sit in bed, crying. On bad days I think I’m going to die (I’m not really, at least I don’t plan to anytime soon).

There are a lot of good days too. On good days, John and I walk around the neighborhood and admire the plants in everyone’s yards. On good days I sit outside in the shade and read a good book. On good days I answer emails from my friends. By the way, some of you are very good at writing those “I’m just checking in to see how you’re doing” emails. I appreciate it! It’s a gift. It’s a skill. It’s something I’m not very good at. It takes time and effort. Thank you!

On good days I spend a little time cleaning the house, and maybe cook something better than average for dinner. (Like cookies, lol!) John and I are really strictly isolating ourselves and are not bringing in groceries or take-out or delivery at this time. We are eventually going to have to get another grocery delivery. I am sick of frozen vegetables and really want a good salad. Mmmmm…butter lettuce with chilled shrimp in a lemon dill dressing. And I’d like a croissant with that, please. Other days I dream of mixed greens with all the Greek toppings you can imagine. I’m dreaming about food. I mean, literally.

It was not all that long ago that John and I happened to have an off-hand conversation about how we never dream about food. John usually dreams about being late to catch his plane and his presentation isn’t ready. I dream about falling-down houses with gaps in the walls and missing fence boards and my dogs are going to get loose. Neither of us ever used to dream about food. I am now dreaming about food.

On good days I do a little stretching to music and look forward to the day when I can work out again. On good days I amuse myself with organizing the pictures and music on my computer. I know that sounds super boring. Imagine it being similar to a playing a puzzle or playing solitaire. I’m really not up for much mentally right now. I basically can’t handle the news, or most TV shows. Anything that most people consider entertaining is going to be too much for me. But I enjoy my pictures and my music collection – of about 10,000 songs and over 40,000 pictures. It should keep me busy for awhile!

Before cancer I used to read publications like the Atlantic and the Economist. I now read short, lightweight novels set in places like southern France or remote Greek islands, with feel-good, soap-opera plots. I am just not the me I used to be. Although I did recently read a heavy and thought-provoking book about what it’s like to be nonbinary. Maybe I’ll post more about that soon, it was interesting.

John and I are planting things in the yard. We have sprouts coming up and flowers blooming.

You’re like, “Uh, dirt and weeds?” No, seriously, those are BABY FLOWERS!

I’m even coaching a little bit. I have a few good clients who know my situation and are flexible if I have to reschedule without much warning. It’s good to be able to still do something useful, even though I’m stuck at home. That’s the advantage of a part-time, home-based business!

I took a risk and booked a vacation rental with a private pool in Tucson for the end of August. Remember how much I loved the pool last year? It’s so weird to think back and realize that I had cancer then, but I didn’t know it. The house I rented this year is smaller, more affordable, and closer to the bike trails. It looks nice in the pictures in the internet ad.

Note that the only two pictures I bothered to post are of the pool, lol. But don’t worry, the pool comes with a pet-friendly house. I’m really hoping that the chemo, cancer, covid, and everything will line up right so we can go.

Chemo Challenges

The goal was 2 weeks of chemo and one week off, before doing it all over again. Well, I made it 12 days. Which is pretty close to 14 days. But not quite. I did ok for the first 8 or 9 days and then it got really hard. Now I’m going to rest for 9 days and see about starting again.

Maybe when I start back up again I can take a slightly lower dose, or only take it for one week before a break rather than try to do two weeks straight. I’ll have to see what my doctor says. I talked with her on Wednesday when things first got bad, and we decided to wait for one more day to see if anything improved. She was supposed to call back on Thursday but never did. Meanwhile I was continuing to get worse. So when she didn’t call back on Friday either, I went ahead and decided that my last dose for this round would be my Friday night dose.

Now I’m looking forward to 9 chemo-free days 🙂