Category: 2019

Last week we looked at this house (or rather, my mother-in-law and my agent looked at it, I was on Facetime).

Tomorrow I’m looking at these two houses:

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No, last week’s house and tomorrow’s houses don’t look very similar. No, they aren’t in the same budget range. No, they don’t have the same type of climate. No, it’s not the same sort of neighborhood. No, they aren’t actually even in the same state. No, we don’t know what we’re doing!! (Thanks for pointing that out.)

I realized I should talk a little about career changes, because John and I have been looking at houses in various parts of of the southwest and we’re confusing everyone. Actually we’re confused too, but at least we have a general idea of what we might be trying to accomplish.

Are we retiring? No. Are we going to work our same jobs for the rest of our career? No, not that either. Are we moving elsewhere to find new opportunities for bigger, better promotions? Nope.

We are transitioning into a middle stage, something between “peak earning years” and complete retirement. I think this is a growing phenomenon as our society changes. I suppose there have been words coined for this intermediate stage, but I’m not sure what those words are. I’m going to call it “deliberate career downsizing.”

I think the previous generation or two tended to work at their regular job until quite near the end of their lives. Then life expectancies started rising, and a few lucky people ended up on pension-funded retirements, sometimes for decades. That wasn’t a sustainable business model and pensions are much more rare now, and the benefits are starting later in life.

Still a lot of people are on that same old model – work your regular job until suddenly you don’t work at all anymore. But some of my generation are starting to look at ways to work differently as we get older.

As we get older, our values and needs are changing. It’s no longer about how much money we can make. Partly it’s about making a difference with our careers – but it’s also about hiking to the top of that mountain while we are still healthy enough to do so.

John is “retirement-eligible” next month, but the benefit amount is far short of his current salary and doesn’t include health care. We’re still relatively young and are not ready to retire. But we are working too hard; harder than we need to work, harder than we want to work.

We’re looking for less work hours and more flexibility. We’re not quite sure how to find it. Part-time jobs would be great, but they are rare in our specialities. I’d be ecstatic if John would simply limit himself to 40 hours a week with no business travel. He’s still working like he’s new in his career and out to save the world. It’s taking its toll on his health an our relationship.

I was enjoying my job for awhile, but because I’m new to this particular agency, I was given an entry-level amount of time off, even though I’m late in my career and qualify for advanced level jobs.

This significant lack of time to do other things in our life is not how we want to live the next several years, or however long it is before we retire completely.

But because this transition stage isn’t well entrenched in our society, there aren’t a lot of clear and obvious ways to decrease our workload gradually. A lot of people have managed to successfully do it, but their routes to get there vary greatly. Some change careers into something more socially conscious. Some move to a tropical paradise and start a cafe. We’re not sure how we want to go about it.

One potential option is for John to go into consulting. He has a high level of expertise in his field and would be very valuable to clients. We can imagine him being able to work from home most of the time, with occasional flights to client locations for important meetings. Our concern is that John has never been good at limiting how much work he takes on, and he could end up working every bit as hard as he does now. The clients aren’t going to limit what they ask of him – he would have to figure out how to do that himself somehow.

I am more of a generalist so it would be a little harder for me to figure out what to offer. It’s possible I could find a part-time job that was advanced enough to hold my interest. Another option is I could freelance for a small consultancy – having someone willing to work sometimes but not all the time, could help them avoid having to staff up and back down as their workload varied.

Regardless of what we end up doing, the key here is that it will evolve and change over time in ways that we will not be able to predict. We will have to make decisions and take actions without being able to see all the way to the end of the game.

We can make guesses – for example, I can probably more easily pursue career-type activities in Austin than Tucson. John probably just needs a convenient airport.

At some point, we’re probably going to buy a house somewhere south of here. I know, you’re thinking, “But you love New Mexico!” And we do. We always miss it when we’re away. New Mexico is magical and enchanting. It’s also a fairly difficult place to live for a lot of practical reasons. Don’t we all have those impractical things we love in life? Those amazing, special, beloved people, places and situations that get lodged in our hearts but are possibly more trouble than they’re worth?

We’d like to live somewhere less intense as our home base. Somewhere comfortable. New Mexico is not comfortable. It’s dramatic, it’s unique, it’s special and amazing, but not comfortable.

I’m looking for more welcoming weather, where I can sit outside in my backyard most of the year. I’d like somewhere quiet, with gentle rain and seasonal flowers. I want to lean over the fence and talk to my neighbors. I want to walk to the local grocery store. John wants to feel safe and relaxed. We want walking paths and parks. We’d like somewhere with a little better economy and services than poverty-stricken New Mexico, but not as much wealth sloshing around as in the big coastal cities.

From there, from some modest, practical place, we can visit the intense and amazing places; the mountains of the northwest, the deserts of the southwest, and the warm, shallow waters of Florida. We can visit our family who live in vibrant and expensive places like Boston, San Diego, and Silicon Valley.

There is no perfect location, and location isn’t the point. What’s far more important to us is that we figure out how to shift our lifestyle (downsize our careers) so that we have more time.

Now that you better understand our underlying goals, let me go ahead and catch you up on the actual developments.

I have resigned from my job, and my last day will be April 30. We are going to list the Placitas house on the market on May 1.

Beyond that, we shall see! We’re not quite sure what we’re going to do. I have no idea where we will be living this winter. Initially we might temporarily move into one of our rentals in Albuquerque and/or occupy the Santa Fe townhome.

We’re going to continue looking at houses in places like Tucson and Austin, and at some point hopefully buy one. It’s likely that we won’t always be living in exactly the same house at exactly the same time during this transition time, because our careers won’t always line up right. I am leaving my current job now, but John may not leave his anytime soon. (I’m hoping for sooner rather than later).

But regardless of exactly how the details play out, as we start to de-emphasize our careers, our lifestyle should improve and we should have more time to spend enjoying life together.

At any rate, that’s the plan!

We are extremely excited to have found our parents a new house within 2 blocks of my brother’s home. It’s the perfect 1-story with a fully finished basement and doesn’t need any remodeling or anything. And it’s only 2 blocks from family! Their offer was accepted yesterday.

My mom has asked me to provide some advice about handling the logistics of a move. She probably asked me because I’m the smartest of her children (haha, not). She actually asked me because I’ve moved 25 times in my adult life. (That is the real number, no exaggeration, if you don’t believe me I’ll send you a list of all 25 houses.)

Which also, by the way, clearly demonstrates that I am indeed the dumbest of my siblings, in case you were considering taking issue with that fact. Who in their right mind moves 25 times? And that’s not counting all the times my parents dragged me from state to state during my childhood. I guess they got me into the habit of it.

Anyway, here’s how to have a smooth move.

Step One: Find some friends and family to help you. Distinguish between planner/organizer types vs. implementer/carry-boxes types. Don’t ask the one to accomplish the other. That’s just setting everyone up for failure.

Step Two: Get rid of everything you can. This involves an enormous number of rapid decisions as you go through your stuff. Repetitive decisions are best made with clear criteria. I use a few brief questions for myself.

• If I got rid of this, would I just have to turn around and replace it right away?
• Is this the best of the best?
• Would someone else be happier with this than I am?
• Am I fond of this just because it’s familiar?
• Am I keeping it because it might be useful someday?

The first one is fairly obvious. If you’re just going to have to buy it again, keep it.

The second one depends a bit on your personality. A recently popular show about decluttering, which I’ve been hearing about but have never watched, apparently uses the question “Does it bring you joy?”

If you are an emotions-based person, “Does it bring joy?” is probably a really enlightening question. My own preferred question is, “Is it the best of the best?” That question gets to about the same thing, but it is more of an evaluative-judgmental question. When I’m tired and stressed, I’m definitely more of an evaluative person than I am in tune with my emotions. The question about joy would just make me grumpy. (Sorry world, but I’m not feeling joy right now!) My husband is even more evaluative than I am, so we’re going with “best of the best.”

The other advantage of “best of the best” is you can pretend you’re shopping. It’s like picking the best things out of a store and putting them in your shopping cart – pick the best things out of your house.

The third criteria, “Would somebody else like it better than you do?” I threw in there because, Mom, I want that pressed tin picture of a house, tree and sun I made when I was a kid, that you have hanging in your stairway. LOL! 😉 My artistic talent peaked when I was in second grade. No, seriously, if you imagine someone else loving the item more than you do, it’s easier to give it up.

It’s really useful to notice the difference between fondness due to familiarity vs something you genuinely like. Would you like the item if you saw it for the first time today?

That’s not to say that memories aren’t important. They are. And items that genuinely help you remember, like photographs, special gifts, or family heirlooms, can enrich our lives.

Keep a few things that are strongly attached in your mind to people in your life whom you love.

But a lot of items that we feel an attachment to is only because we’re familiar with the items, and we wouldn’t really miss them if we no longer had them.

Get rid of everything that “might be useful someday, ” or “the lid might turn up.” Uh no. Shoe lace collections, rubber band collections, spare hoses in the garage, bits of lumber, books you’ve already read, magazines you will never read, scarves you don’t like, containers that aren’t half as good as tupperware, the cheap glass vases that come from the florists, the fraying placemats, the throw rugs that not even the dogs like, rags (how many rags do you really need?), cleaning supplies that are no longer part of your daily routine, stuff that’s been in your pantry for an embarrassing number of years, paperwork from three houses ago, anything that belongs to your kids but they don’t want it so you’re keeping it…

What if you know you should get rid of something, but just can’t do it? Sort those items into boxes marked as such, and designate them for storage. Wait for awhile and see if you actually miss them.

Now let’s talk about boxes for a minute. First of all, buy boxes, don’t scrounge for them. I know they cost some money, but it’s so much better to have standard sizes because they stack a lot better. And scrounging is too much work and there’s no time for that. I get mine at Home Depot, Lowes, or Amazon (yes, they ship boxes). Get small and medium sizes, don’t get the big ones, it’s too easy to overpack them and they’ll be too heavy.

Sit down with your organizer/planner type of friends and family and devise a coding system for your boxes. I recommend labeling on all 4 sides and the top of each box, and you’ll want codes so you don’t end up writing a book on each box. If you don’t label all the sides, you’re going to spend a lot of time moving boxes off each other in order to try to find the one spot on the lower boxes that actually says what the box is.

Even more important than what’s in the box is, “What room does it go in?” Once it’s narrowed down by room, you can generally find your stuff. Assuming you know the layout of the house you are moving into, make a code for each room (LR, K, Bth1, Bth2, Bed1, Bed2, etc.). Put that code on all 4 sides plus the top of each box. If you want to make long lists of contents, fine, but it’ll slow you down.

You will also want a code for things you don’t need immediately. It’s highly annoying to have non-essentials piled in your way when you’re desperately trying to find the toilet paper and the coffee maker on that first morning. When packing your kitchen, first pack essentials (coffee maker, toaster, can opener), then pack basics (plates, cups), then pack the weird stuff in the way back part of your cabinet you can’t reach.

Don’t pack your weird stuff in the same box as your essentials. Have a code to distinguish boxes that you probably won’t need until winter (sweaters), or someday when you have some free time (hobbies). In addition to marking those boxes as non-essential or not needed immediately, also mark them for the 3rd bedroom or garage or wherever is out of the way in your new home. You can deal with those later!

Don’t move bulky garage/shed garbage items that are either dangerous or just not worth a lot of money. Pack your choice tools and get rid of the potting soil, fertilizer, paint, paint remover, landscape fabric, sprinkler heads, lumber, and all the rest of the random stuff in there that you thought you’d use someday. Please note which items are hazardous and look on your city website for directions for hazardous waste drop off. Don’t leave anything for the new owners except possibly paint, and then only if it’s clearly labeled which room it’s for. I know you salvaged that perfectly good lumber, but they don’t want it.

How to pack difficult items:

Keep your hanging clothes on their hangers. If you can afford it, buy wardrobe boxes. If not, buy tall kitchen garbage bags with built-in ties. Poke a small hole in the bottom of the bags, turn them upside down, and stick a group of hangers through the hole, and tie at the bottom under the clothes. I do about 5-10 hanging items per bag, depending on the size of the bag. Heavyweight yard cleanup bags hold up better than kitchen garbage bags.

Buy rolls of stretch plastic designed for packing. Make sure the rolls have handles or it will be a real nuisance to work with. This is available in the moving section of Home Depot, Lowes, or online at Amazon. It’s very useful. John gets a little crazy with it and would wrap every item and every box with plastic if he could. But it is handy for tasks like keeping rugs rolled up, and grouping items that have several, awkward sized parts. For example, if you’re moving rakes & shovels, it does a good job of keeping them together, without using tape, which leaves a residue. It will keep you from losing your vacuum cleaner parts, etc.

I wrap most items in paper before putting them into the boxes. I buy the paper at the same places as the rest of my moving supplies. One year, many years ago, when I was young, poor, and newsprint was ubiquitous, I used newspapers. It took years to get the newsprint off all my stuff! Also, don’t buy paper in rolls, it takes too long to spool off. It should be in stacks of large sheets like this:

Use several sheets at one time, don’t separate them into individual sheets. I don’t think bubble wrap is necessary. I just use lots of paper. Also paper recycles better – plastic is a scourge on the environment.

Once you’re ready to start packing, get a pod! https://www.pods.com/ These are cheap to rent and amazingly handy. They drop your pod off in your driveway, and you keep it as long as you want. You can add boxes a few at a time so your house doesn’t become unlivable as you’re packing. Pack and load your essentials last – not only will you have them until the day you leave, they will be first to unload at your new home. When you’re done loading it they pick it up and take it to your new house for you!

Or if your new house isn’t quite ready yet, they store it for you for as long as you need. You can also take your time unloading at your new house. It’s the easiest affordable way to move. Just make sure you pack your items well, because the trip may not be quite as cushioned with shock absorbers as a commercial moving van.

Happy moving!

As you know, John and I are apart during the work week. This weekend I was in California, so we haven’t seen each other for a week. As you can imagine, we tend to get a bit behind on communication. John’s aware that I have some new ideas about job changes and moving that we haven’t had a chance to talk about yet. He’s probably worrying about what crazy idea I came up with this time.

I called him at lunch today, but he was in a meeting. When he called me back, I only had about 7 minutes before my next meeting. So we were quickly exchanging news highlights – no time for an actual discussion.

I said, “We’re going to bid on a house tomorrow.” There was a slight pause. Then he somewhat hesitantly asked, “Where?” I said, “It’s only 2 blocks from Steven’s house!” At which point he said, with evident relief, “Oh, you mean for your parents.” Yeah? He said, “I thought you meant you and I were going to buy a house tomorrow.” LOL!

I love that he thinks I’d bid on a house for us without him even knowing where. At the moment we don’t even know what state we’re going to move to, much less what city, much less which several-block area!

But I’ll give you a hint – I’ve gone and gotten yet another real estate agent, which I only do when I’m considering an area that I haven’t considered before.