Category: October 2017

Here’s the entrance to our suite where my cubicle is located.

Here’s the entrance to my cubicle. Note the sliding door – I’ve never seen that before. I usually leave it open, but it’s nice to have if you’re having trouble concentrating. This office is also a lot quieter than at Sandia because people don’t have to be on the phones as much. Most of our work is just on the computer.

My UV “happy light” and my orchid from Trader Joe’s.

All my paperwork is on the other side.

This is an indoor open space with clearstory windows that’s really nice.

In Santa Fe, even the big trucks are liberal. In case this picture isn’t good enough, the left bumper sticker says, “Comrade Trump – making Russia great again” and the right bumper sticker says, “Do you keep hearing crazy voices? Turn off Fox News.”

Note the vegan Thai restaurant in the background 😋

 

 

Wednesday I spent the entire day doing defensive driver training, which is mandatory before we can drive state vehicles for site visits and inspections. It’s an interactive on-line course with lots of graphic photos and videos. It’s designed to scare the shit out of young, careless and aggressive drivers.

I am the last person who needs the shit scared out of me about the dangers of the road. I admit to sometimes speeding, and let’s say…I can be unhesitating when maneuvers are necessary. But I am already ridiculously, needlessly, hyper-vigilant, and I am not a relaxed passenger. I ALWAYS know where all the other vehicles are, and I am constantly anticipating that AT ANY MOMENT they will do something completely random and unexpected, like brake hard or swerve into my lane. I’m already jumpy enough in a vehicle.

John is going to have to blindfold me like a racehorse, just to get me to our camping spot this weekend.

It didn’t help that when I was returning from lunch there had been a car accident near my office, and a van was literally flipped on it’s side in middle of a major intersection. I was horrified.

Aside from the scare tactics, it was a pretty good course. We could input information about situations we’d likely encounter ourselves, like snow and ice in the winter, and it would customize the material. I clicked that I drove a commercial van (since they weren’t so specific as to have a camper van option 😜), and I got to see the section about driving big vans.

One cool thing about the on-line course: I know this guy! I took a one-week “Human Factors” course from him in Michigan. It’s so weird to suddenly see someone you know in some unexpected setting. He’s one of those “experts” on TV! He’s famous! (Sort of, LOL)

 

My new boss, Carina, is leaving the agency for a new job! Now she’ll be working in Albuquerque! This is definitely a good move for her. She’s been commuting all the way from the south side of Albuquerque, and she has a new baby. I felt bad for her when I first heard how far her commute was. I’m glad she doesn’t have to do that commute anymore.

Luckily it was just the two of us in her office when she told me she was leaving, because I literally burst into tears.😢 😢 😢 I should have been smiling and congratulating her. And I tried to congratulate her – through the tears. I truly am happy for her – I’m just so scared about not knowing who my boss is going to be.

She must have been surprised I was so upset about her leaving, because I hardly know her. But she’s the sort of person that everyone likes. She’s a big reason why I’ve felt so confident about having accepted this job.

So now, who knows what’s going to happen. It could turn out fine. But it has not always been fine for me, and I’m all too aware of how miserable it can get. I had a couple of horrible experiences with really bigoted male bosses when I was quite young.

And then when John and I first moved to California in 2012, my main goal for the first several months was, “Don’t cry at work.” It wasn’t just the boss thing. Moral is poor in some sections of Sandia, and particularly poor at Sandia in California, and particularly poor among “support staff” – like I was, as an internal regulator. (It’s never fun to have to implement internal regulatory compliance – it’s a very thankless job.)

Another big problem at Sandia in California was the huge resentment and bitterness toward headquarters in Albuquerque. It’s because the smaller site in California often gets the short end of the stick. But there were no constraints on the Albuquerque-bashing, which was frequent, daily, could get quite nasty, and was considered perfectly acceptable. I found it very upsetting because I really missed everyone in Albuquerque.

Anyway for months I couldn’t sleep, and I cried everyday on the way to work, and I cried everyday on the way home. After a few months, I finally got somewhat used to it and quit crying everyday. But then 4 years later, I just quit. I just couldn’t do it anymore. And that whole time, that boss was not part of the solution. He had no idea how to utilize my talents, did not support my repeated efforts to improve my usefulness to the company, and basically wasted my time.

It didn’t help that he never chose me – I just got stuck in his group when we moved, because they wanted John and they had to put me somewhere. But Carina hired me, and not only that, she told me that there were other managers in the department who also wanted to hire me, but she beat them to it! (I had applied to more than one position in that department, and she made the first offer.) She said, “Yay, I got her first!” I can tell you, my previous boss would never have said anything like that.

Carina’s leaving in a month. Then we’ll have an acting manager for awhile. It’ll be some time before I know who my next boss will be. I guess the hope is, if there are other managers who wanted to hire me too, then I could probably eventually do a lateral transfer in the same department if her replacement turns out to be terrible.

Don’t worry, I’m not really going to write a day-by-day account of every single work week! Just until I run out of things to say. Pretty soon my weeks will be, DAY 1: “Reviewed reports, compiled findings into memo.” DAY 2: “Reviewed reports, compiled findings into memo.” DAY 3: “Reviewed reports, compiled findings into memo, went to meeting.”

However, I’m still in the “everything’s new” stage. Good news for today: My boss approved my work schedule. I’m going to start work half-hour early so I can take an hour and a half lunch.

I’m really happy to have a long lunch, because I want to go jogging. And in the winter it is dark before and after work, and not safe to jog alone. So this way I can jog at lunchtime on the trail that’s right next to the townhome!

Also I plan to use one lunchtime per week to go grocery shopping, because I don’t have time for that kind of thing after work because of my clients. And if I grocery shop on the weekends, I’d have to haul it all up from Placitas. And the stores are a lot closer in Santa Fe than Placitas.

Meanwhile I just had a potential client on the east coast contact me. Most of my clients are in California. I do have one in Central time. The further east, the harder it is to make it work with my evening coaching schedule. I wasn’t planning on coaching at lunchtime, because if something comes up at work, it would have priority over my lunch break. But it seems like it’s not the sort of job that has lunch-hour emergencies 🙂

I did want to mention, in reference to my long post about my first week, that my one-time client did pay me after all – which is great! I’m very appreciative of that. There was nothing I could have done if she hadn’t felt like paying. Totally my mistake for failing to bill her ahead of time. I’ve certainly learned that lesson the hard way – several times – a lot of years ago when I was a newbie coach.

Then today I just realized I hadn’t billed another client who’s got a session tomorrow. I need to get my act together here! Since my time is going to be tight with a full-time job and this many clients, I need to stay organized and structured. Typically I bill everyone at once, but these were both new, incoming clients and they came in after my regular monthly billing date.

It’s interesting being this busy. After I quit my last job, it seemed like I started doing a lot of waiting for John to get home. And calling him and leaving messages. I was definitely doing the vast majority of the “bids for interaction” as they say in relationship theory. It didn’t help that I was doing a lot of things like the remodel and the purchase of rentals, that needed input from him. So it’s not like I could just tell myself to just leave him alone and focus on my own stuff. The dynamic of trying to get his attention, or his input on decisions, wasn’t a good one for me. It’s so nice to just be able to go to work, and get my own work done, without having to constantly try (and fail) to bring John into it.

I had an unusually high number of clients last week, and I’m not settled yet, so I’m still running around trying to make sure there’s food in the fridge and other basics. So John was the one calling and leaving messages. It was kinda nice for a change. And then he was clearly happy to see me on the weekend!

When people are apart, it’s not just about being apart – it matters who is the one who is gone. Usually, John is gone. And he doesn’t notice his absence because he’s busy doing stuff.  This time I was gone, not noticing my absence, because I was busy doing stuff. And he was sitting at home with the dogs. I think it had a real balancing effect.

 

I wore jeans out of habit on Friday, without even thinking about it. It’s good to be back in the swing of things.