Halloween and Día de Muertos

The only part of Halloween that I like is the trick-or-treaters coming to the door. I didn’t used to even like that part, back in the days when there were tons of kids and I was always so busy and so tired. But nowadays I rarely see kids, so it is fun to see them all dressed up and excitedly traipsing from door to door. I also feel more a part of this neighborhood than I have with other neighborhoods in the past.

We get just the right amount of kids trick-or-treating. Enough to be fun, but not overwhelming. In addition to putting up decorations, I also answer the door in costume. And I hand out the good stuff – chocolates of course!

For Día de Muertos this year I put up an ofrenda, which I’ve never done before. An ofrenda is an offering for our ancestors. It’s a way to honor our loved ones who have died. The story is that the dead can come back and visit earth once a year on Día de Muertos if their photo is on an ofrenda. Also placed on ofrendas are flowers (especially marigolds), favorite foods and other things meant to be enticing.

Here is a picture of an ofrenda at the botanical garden:

This is not a tradition in my family or in John’s family, but it is very common here in the southwest, where John and I have lived for most of our adult lives. And it is a tradition that seems more meaningful that our “scary halloween” tradition, which just seems silly to me. In my opinion, our culture has a very poor attitude towards death. Mostly we ignore it, but when we do deal with it, it is with a lot of fear. Ignoring it is meant to make it easier, but I think it just makes it harder. We will all die. The people we love will all die. No, it’s not fun to think about it, but I believe we will be more prepared for the inevitable if our culture handles it more directly.

I have several people to honor, most notably John’s dad, Tom, as well as all our grandparents. I don’t have pictures all my grandparents yet. I’m hoping my mom can send me scans of the rest of them before next year.

I also included the photos of a few close friends who are no longer alive, including my ex-boyfriend Jack, whom some of you may remember. He proposed to me on a tiny sailboat in Glacier Bay in Alaska, but I didn’t end up marrying him. I gave him the ring back after I got home. I’ll have to tell you that story someday. I recently found a log of that Alaska trip all those years ago, and I have a few photos as well. It was quite an adventure and it’ll make a good story.

Jack passed away this summer, from a rare, degenerative neurological illness that he had for most of his adult life. Initially he wasn’t expected to live as long as he did. So although it’s sad, it is also good that he lived into his 60’s. It seems like he had a good life, sailing with his long-term partner Debbie, in the Puget Sound and San Juan Islands.

Photos are, from left to right: Jack; my grandma Opal; John’s dad Tom; and my friend, coach and mentor Phil, who died in April 2020 of cancer. The treats are: chocolate, apricot jam because Grandma loved apricots, and limes, chilies and cinnamon to represent all the yummy spices in life.

You can put anything on the ofrenda table, not only food but also other things that represent hobbies, etc. All the goodness of life. I should get a little toy sailboat for next year, because both Jack and Phil loved to sail. I also have a signed copy of a life coaching book that Phil wrote, but I’m not sure how enticing that would be. Do we miss our work in the afterlife? Maybe not.

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