My brother, Mark

Did I tell you I was done with my California posts? Haha, oops, I lied. Just one more. I forgot to mention that I saw my brother, Mark. He lives in San Diego but is working in Milpitas in the Bay Area right now, so he’s up there a lot.

One night we met for dinner. We talked for about an hour, and then got down to the business of eating.

I don’t remember what we talked about, but I can guarantee it wasn’t a casual, newsy, conversation. Mark is deep, and intense, and not fully of this world. His mind takes him in some very unusual places. Mark is by far the most brilliant person I’ve ever met (although John is damn smart). Mark can be somewhat difficult just because he’s so unconventional and not worried about the usual social niceties. And he takes quite a lot of concentration to understand, because he doesn’t talk about typical daily life topics.

After dinner, a homeless man in a skirt asked us for money, and Mark offered him food. There was a nearby market and Mark asked him what he wanted. The man specified that he wanted candy, something sweet, something with real sugar. We went into the market, which turned out to be an Asian market. We would have preferred to buy something healthier but thought it would be more respectful to get the man what he wanted. We weren’t familiar with the items on the shelves, but we eventually choose something that looked like candy. We bought the candy and brought it back out to the homeless man.

Mark then tried to talk to him a little bit about his lifestyle choices. Mark had mostly dropped out of society once himself when he was young. I don’t think he was ever homeless, but I know he wasn’t eating much or doing much except playing the difficult game of Go with an elderly man every day.

After giving the homeless man his candy, Mark tried to talk with him about his life choices, but the man just wanted to engage Mark in small talk. I could see the man was trying to make an emotional connection so he could then hopefully talk Mark into buying him more food or other items. But his attempts to talk about politics and conspiracy theories and other hot topics did not deter Mark from his goal of helping the man understand that his life choices have consequences. Mark wanted to help him understand how to make better choices. They talked over each other’s heads for a long time while I waited nearby.

I don’t know how long it would have gone on, but I eventually showed some restlessness, which the homeless man noticed before Mark did. Or maybe Mark did notice but dismissed it. When the homeless man referred to me as Mark’s wife, he did briefly correct him, saying “sister”. But then Mark went right back to his teaching points, emphatically, with steady determination.

Mark does this to us too, and I don’t think we usually understand him any better than the homeless man did. Mark is so genuine, and cares so much, and he sees life so clearly and so differently than the rest of us with all our crazy coping mechanisms, that it can cause him a lot of mental pain. It’s like his blinders are off and he can see what the rest of us happily ignore. Our inner dissembling keeps us sane. But Mark is like a prophet, crying in the wilderness.

To send me a comment, email turning51bykristina@gmail.com.

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