My Retreat in Durango – It was all about the people

In June I went to a retreat in Durango with a group of Quakers from the intermountain area: Colorado, Utah, Arizona, New Mexico, and parts of Texas. A few of you know, I have been attending Quaker meetings off and on since I was in my early 20’s. I like to go because services are primarily meditation. I will also sometimes meditate with Buddhist groups. In fact recently, I’ve been meditating weekly with a Buddhist group who happen to meet at the local Quaker Meetinghouse.

I’m not sure why I don’t write much about that side of my life. I’m guessing that religion/spirituality is a bit like politics – a topic to avoid in a blog with the tagline of “The lighter side of life – staying in touch with friends and family by celebrating the ordinary.” Although politics, wow, I may comment at some point because what a wild ride recently.

A quick note about Quakers, in case you are unfamiliar: yes, there are still Quakers out there, and no, they do not wear gray wool skirts and funny hats. They also don’t have any extremely unusual or outdated religious beliefs.

There are two main types of Quakers here in the US; programmed Quakers who have services much like typical Christian church services, and unprogrammed Quakers who do not hold a Christian service. It is the unprogrammed variety that I will sometimes attend.

Instead of traditional church services with a priest or preacher or pastor, when unprogrammed Quakers meet, they sit in silence and meditate. Or more accurately, they are not meditating quite in the same way as Buddhists – instead, they are listening. Quakers listen to that “still small voice within” that connects us to each other and the greater universe (and whatever you may envision as god). If someone feels led to speak, they do. In larger meetings, a variety of people may stand and speak. In smaller meetings, in can be common to sit in silence for the entire hour.

Although Quakers come out of the Christian tradition, some of the unprogrammed Quaker attendees are also Buddhists or other faiths, or even agnostics or atheists. On the other hand, the programmed groups tend to be more Christian. Those groups are more common on the east coast, and even more common in other parts of the world, such as Africa.

The common core is that Quakers have always been active in the pursuit of social equity. You may have heard of their role during the underground railroad (that was all I knew about Quakers when I first discovered a small group meeting on campus at the University of Idaho over 30 years ago). There is also a strong tradition of pacifism, but the nuances of that vary between individuals. It is not a simple topic with easy answers. Nowadays Quakers work to improve our society in areas such as racial equity, immigration, poverty, homelessness, prison reform, healthcare, LGBTQ+, and anywhere else where underprivileged people are suffering due to inequalities in our system.

There is no hierarchy in an unprogrammed meeting, just volunteers. Everything is done by committee, and final decisions are made by the entire group in business meetings. Those meetings are slow, with silence after each time anyone speaks, in order to take the time to really hear the message. I’ve never met any group who listens even half as well as Quakers. Quakers deliberately, patiently listen to each other as well as their inner voice.

Quakers can be wonderful people; thoughtful, caring, humble, mostly introverts – quite a few of them on the autism spectrum, I’m sure! The reason you may never heard of them is that there is a culture of not proselytizing. That has been the Quaker tradition for a long time, but I think they’ve taken that too far. I can understand not wanting to try to convert people, but I think they should at least let people know they exist, in case people want to join.

The only reason I know they exist is I saw a handwritten directional sign on campus all those years ago. It wasn’t even an announcement flier, it was just an arrow and a room number and a date and time with the word Quakers. Quakers? Whaah? I got curious and crashed their meeting. And of course they were welcoming.

Now, all these years later, I find myself at a Quaker retreat in Durango, CO. It turned out to be quite a lot more intense than I expected! Both more difficult and more amazingly wonderful. On one hand, I don’t really have the temperament for large gatherings. But on the other hand, the personal connections meant so much more to me than I had even anticipated.

The entire reason I went to the Quaker gathering was to connect with everyone. People, people, it’s all about the people. This is coming from an introvert on the autism spectrum. So yeah…do we see an inherent conflict here? People, people…too many people! That and the dorm-style living, were by far my biggest challenges of the trip.

I had not expected it to be as overwhelming. Quaker activities are quiet and thoughtful. Our group wasn’t all that large (maybe 150?), and we were scattered across a small, pleasant, rural college campus. There were a few summer students and others on campus, but in general it was quite empty. The events were optional – I imagined myself skipping many of them and sitting quietly on a bench under a tree.

For that matter, Quakers do as much outside as possible (just like me), and many of our small groups gathered in circles of folding chairs scattered around under trees on the lawns. And what were we doing in those small circles under the trees? Silently meditating, mostly. Sharing a little, with large silences between sharing. So how could that be overwhelming?

I had planned to go to only some of the activities, but I underestimated how many connections I would be making with everyone. And I volunteered more than I originally intended. The whole thing is run by volunteers. For my service, I had signed up to drive golf carts, to help attendees get around the college campus. It turned out to be a great way to meet people, and I liked zipping around the campus on the carts.

I had planned to only drive golf carts 2 hours each day, but then one day it rained and everyone wanted cart rides to and from the activities. I ended up driving for a total of 5 hours that day. In hindsight, that was too much! But I was glad to be able to help.

Here is a couple of photos of people dancing.

This was in the evening, and was a smaller group than the meetings in the middle of the day. I only danced one simple, silly dance, involving trading a hat. The other dances were a bit too complicated for me. I enjoyed the music and the chance to visit with people informally.

I made some excellent connections including with some people here in Tucson. And it was wonderful to reconnect with several old friends from Albuquerque. Despite my overwhelm, the event was one of the more meaningful things I’ve done this year.

To send me a comment, email turning51bykristina@gmail.com.

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