The new me?

My personality seems to be changing again! Is this just part of aging? Or is this a post-chemo thing? I sort of feel like a teen who doesn’t yet know who they are! It’s not a big shift. I’m not sure how noticeable it is. It’s not like John is wondering who the heck he married. Actually, I’m sure he frequently wonders that, but that’s been ongoing for 15 years now, nothing new.

After chemo I started channeling a touch of sweet grandma (in my younger years, nobody would have called me sweet). I got a bit timid, and my interests were all about growing flowers and baking scones and sitting by my pool. And all those things are still very true.

But last fall, I started wanting to get out and dance! I’ve always liked louder, faster music than most of my more demure, professional female peers. It’s funny because I can’t handle intense books or movies, but with music, the more intense and emotional the better.

Last fall I started dragging John to music events. Recently, I have found some new friends from the botanical gardens who are happy to go to sedate music events with me, like symphonies and ballets. The typical things that we all imagine old ladies like me enjoy. But I have not found anyone to go with to fast and furious shows, blusy-funky-R&B-roots-rock-grunge-metal mashups. Sigh. John is willing to take me, but he doesn’t dance. If only Laura lived nearby, right Laura?

The fact that our personalities can shift around always makes me wonder, who are we really? We’re not our bodies – but if we’re not our personalities either, then what makes us who we are?

My personality shift is coming out in many small ways. Like my wardrobe! I woke up one morning this spring and was like, what is with all the floral skirts and blouses?!? I just want to wear plain colored t-shirts. How is it that I don’t own any simple t-shirts?

And comfy jeans? I own no comfy jeans either? Lol, yes, my taste is changing, but my lack of comfy jeans has more to do with those scones I mentioned a few paragraphs ago. I always used to be strict about my weight, but once I started fighting cancer, my priorities shifted. Oncologists don’t want to see weight loss in their patients. That’s my excuse at any rate. I’m not too worried about a bit of weight gain; I needed a good excuse for a new wardrobe!

Here’s a picture from this morning’s hike. We’re suddenly realizing we’re going to run out of cool hiking weather soon, so we better get out there! We didn’t get out as much this winter because neither of us were feeling well mid-winter. But we’re getting out every weekend now.

To send me a comment, email turning51bykristina@gmail.com.

Life Coaching for Neurodiverse Professionals