Trying to keep track of my stuff – and my mind

I’ve been cheerfully posting about our various exploits in Tucson and Albuquerque, but the reality is, these last few weeks have been a bit of a struggle for me. Everything is fine, don’t worry. Everything is fine except my mood!

A few weeks ago we packed up and moved most of our personals and clothes back to Albuquerque to get out of the way of the remodel starting in Tucson. That was a lot of work and stressful. Once we got to Albuquerque I had to unpack everything and try to get organized. I didn’t have places to put everything because we didn’t bring all our furniture back. I brought back my clothes, but not the master bedroom furniture set to hold my clothes.

Then three days ago we drove back to Tucson again after having been in Albuquerque for about 10 days. I apologize to all my friends there who didn’t even know I was in Albuquerque. I’ve been too overwhelmed to keep up with everyone.

Now we are trying to finish packing up the house in Tucson. Everything that we didn’t already pack up and bring to Albuquerque, we are packing up to store in boxes in Tucson to get it out of the way of the remodel.

I don’t do well in the middle of house moves, remodels and similar transitions and upheavals. When my stuff is in a disarray, I’m discombobulated to the point of being nearly incapacitated. I need my structure, my routines, and my stuff that supports those routines.

So why do we keep doing this? Moving and remodeling, moving and remodeling. Do I forget how much I hate it? No, I remember, but I go ahead and do it anyway because I’m motivated by a sense of progress. And there’s nothing like a remodel for an in-your-face sense of progress!

I don’t know John’s motivation, but I’m guessing he’d rather create what he wants himself than pay twice as much for a house that isn’t to our taste. We tried to find a nice house at a higher price point that didn’t need remodeled – that was our original goal. But we couldn’t find anything we liked.

As we searched online and toured houses in 2020 we kept saying to each other, “This much for this? This isn’t worth that much! I don’t want to pay that much for this! Why is it so expensive?”

Many of the more expensive houses had been already remodeled, yes, but usually different sections of the houses were done at different times by different owners in different styles. Nothing flowed. Nothing felt like it maintained a consistent character.

That is not surprising, of course. It is expensive and invasive to remodel an entire house all at once. Most people just do a project at a time. A bit one year and a bit another year, rarely making it through the entire house before they move away. But after years of scattered, one-off projects, the houses often end up feeling disjointed. Or if the house had been recently flipped – remodeled all at once by an investor – invariably it was done in the currently popular color schemes (gray), in a muddled “transitional” style, using low-cost materials.

Nothing we saw felt like somewhere we would want to live. It wasn’t until we started looking at less expensive houses in the more modest (older but not old enough to be cool) neighborhoods that we started liking what we saw – except what we saw was – potential.

We both loved this house from the moment I spotted it on the internet.

It had been partially remodeled several times in the past, and was indeed a mishmash of styles with some serious issues (like nowhere in the kitchen for a refrigerator). Yet it still maintained enough of its original look and feel for us to picture what direction we could take it. More importantly, it was cheap enough that we would have the money to do it. There had been no upgrades done recently except air conditioning and a few other things we were happy with, so it was basically a blank slate. We struggle with the remodel process, but we’re going to love it when we’re done.

Meanwhile, as if life wasn’t complicated enough, we’re going to Seattle for a month! Seattle? Yep, nearly a year ago we reserved a small and surprisingly affordable guesthouse in Seattle for the entire month of August. It was a reaction to the tropical mosquitos that swarmed Tucson in August and September last year after unusually wet monsoon rains. Plus, ever since my cancer scare, we’ve been trying to do bucket-list fun stuff and not wait for retirement.

John grew up on the lakes of Minnesota, and I’ve always wanted him to experience the Puget Sound, where I raised my kids. Plus the northern Cascades have some of the best hiking in the country. And August is the only month in that region that isn’t rainy.

So far, the timing of our August reservations in Seattle seems to be working out perfectly for the remodel in Tucson. With luck, a lot of the most disruptive parts of the remodel will happen while we’re gone. Our floor tile is due to arrive soon, so we’re hoping our contractor can get the floor tiled in August. That is an invasive job and we will be happy to not be there for it!

Our kitchen cabinets are not expected to arrive for another 6 weeks, so that’s unfortunate. We’ll be back from Seattle by then, so after a quick stop in Tucson, we expect to spend September in Albuquerque, while the kitchen is being done.

Except I’ll need to go back to Tucson for my CT scan in the middle of September. I could get scanned in Albuquerque, but it’s important to me to stick with my current oncologist and radiologist. I will stay in a hotel for my scan if the house is too torn up. I’m always stressed when I’m getting scanned, so I’ll do whatever works to make it not too miserable.

There are actually some really beautiful resorts in Tucson that are nearly empty and quite affordable in September. No one visits Tucson in September! Summertime family travel is over by then, but escape-the-winter travel hasn’t started up yet. Tucson in September is still super hot, while the rest of the country is beautiful (well, I think Tucson is beautiful in September too, but I’m biased.)

Other than the trip out to Tucson for my CT scan, we plan to be in Albuquerque this fall until the remodel is done in Tucson. Well, not done-done. Just the most invasive stuff done. After the floors and kitchen are done we can reoccupy, and then we expect to be plugging away at a variety of smaller projects for quite some time.

So anyway, while I was in Albuquerque unpacking, I was also simultaneously packing for our trip to Seattle. It’s a multi-stage trip, with a stop in Tucson, then up to Boise to see Callan and Chirstina, and then on to Seattle, then back to Boise, then Tucson, and ending in Albuquerque (then back to Tucson, then back to Albuquerque, then back to Tucson…).

I sure wish I was one of those people who can pack a couple pair of pants, 3 tops, and a toothbrush, and be on my way. Noooo. Nope, not me. I have a bag that’s labeled “Tucson and Boise” and then two more larger bags labeled “Seattle”. Seattle is going to require a certain amount of gear because we’ll be camping, kayaking, and bicycling, as well as a variety of urban activities.

Plus there’s a bag for Biska with her toys and food dishes and leashes (and Benadryl in case she tries to eat another bee). And I have a bag labeled, “office” because this is only partially a vacation. We’re still trying to work part of it. I still have a few clients (over the phone). And we’ll be overseeing the remodel. John will have some meetings to attend by phone. We are hoping he won’t have to fly to Albuquerque mid-month, but it is possible.

Plus the rest of life goes on and we need to keep up with it all. I still have to keep track of the rentals; make sure the rent comes in and the landscaper gets paid, etc. Then there’s all the utility bills at both of our houses. And I have some online volunteer activities. It’s all fine, but it can get to be a lot to juggle when my life is in disarray, even in a good way. I am exhausted and depressed.

There is a little nagging worry in the back of my brain that wonders why I’m so exhausted. John is working harder than me, doing most of the packing while also working full-time. Yes, we’re doing some packing and life is a little chaotic right now, but is that really reason to be so completely exhausted? I can’t quite shove out of my brain a concern that my cancer might be back. I really want to live life to the fullest while I can. I try not to think about that too often, but part of me is aware – because it’s true – that one of these days a routine CT scan could suddenly cause my life to tilt out of wack again. I’m trying not to think too much about my upcoming cancer scan in September. But I know it’s coming up soon.

Hopefully our trip to Seattle will be relaxing and engrossing and exactly what we need, as the remodel progresses back in Tucson. A month seems like such a long time to be gone, but it will be good to be in one spot for an entire 4 weeks in a row – something we haven’t done in awhile. When your vacation encompasses a longer period of stability than your regular life, you gotta wonder.

The other day a friend of mine in one of my zoom meetings asked me where I was, and I said, “Uh,” and I looked up and turned to look at the window before answering, “Tucson.” Because – for a second there, I couldn’t remember.

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