What was that?

Sorry I haven’t been posting much lately. I’ve been a bit depressed, which happens to me in January and February. I’ve been feeling a lot better this week because my brother, Steven, is visiting. I haven’t seen very much of him yet, because he’s been going to a conference and I’ve been going to work. But it’s still nice to have someone around.

That was especially true this morning, when a very strange thing happened to me. I apparently had an attack of vertigo, but that’s not what I thought was happening at the time. At the time, I actually thought I could be dying. It didn’t feel remotely like dizziness. I thought I was having a stroke or aneurysm or a seizure.

I don’t know how to describe it other than to say my brain let go. It was like my brain was failing. Suddenly nothing was anything like it should have been. It was like things were floating in the wrong places, and time wasn’t going by at the usual speed, and my body wasn’t under my brain’s control, and my brain couldn’t make sense of the world.

I fell down, but not hard. It was almost like I got down, because I knew I couldn’t stay standing. I can’t actually remember how I ended up on the floor. My brain felt like it was losing it and shutting down. But I could still speak, and I was calling to Steven. “Steven! Steven! Steven! Steven!” I was quite frightened. He called back, “Where are you?” and I said, “My bedroom.” He ran in, and saw me laying on the floor. “What happened?!”

I said, “Call Emily.” (Our sister, Emily, is a doctor.) He said, “Shouldn’t I call 911?” And I said, “No, I’d rather die at home.” But by that time I was beginning to suspect I wasn’t actually dying. Then he said, “Shouldn’t I call John?” And I said, “No, what could he do? Call Emily.” And I reiterated that I did not want to go to the hospital. By the time she called us back, about 5 minutes later, I was up walking around and felt totally fine (although a bit shook up).

Then I drove Steven to his conference, and now I’m at work. I feel pretty much normal, although I do feel like I might have a migraine coming on. Emily has been checking in on me by text. It’s good to have family around. John is in an all-day meeting without access to his cell phone, but I’m hoping he can get a chance to call me at lunchtime. If not, I’ll see him tonight. We are all taking tomorrow off, and hope to take Steven hiking, even though another snowstorm is coming.