Winter blues

Generally I struggle a little bit with seasonal depression, mostly in the January-March timeframe. But this year, it started at the beginning of October. Once it’s too dark to jog in the morning before work, I think the lack of exercise is a contributor, even though I like autumn.

Also it continues to be stressful at work. I do still like the job, but it has been surprisingly stressful ever since I started a year ago. More turn-over and more office drama and politics than I’m used to.

So, politics…on my way to work one day I noticed the car in front of me had an old “OBAMACARE” sticker. But they had altered it with a marker, adding a “D” on the end so it read, “OBAMACARED”. And suddenly, I just started crying. Like, literally sobbing in my car on the way to work. I know they’re all politicians, but it really did seem like he actually cared. And I certainly don’t feel cared for by the current administration.

Then a few of weekends ago when I first got the terrible news about my kid’s brother, I was in really bad shape, and I haven’t fully recovered yet. So, here’s what I’m going to do (this is what life coaches call accountability):

  • My coworker gave me the name of a therapist, who is covered by my insurance, and I’m going to call her and I’m going to go.
  • John and I are going to figure out how to go back to living together during the work week. The options are: both of us changing jobs, one of us changing jobs, both of us having a long commute, or one of us having a super-long commute.
  • I made an appointment with an expensive medical doctor (who isn’t covered by my insurance), because I’ve heard she’s good. I’m hoping she can help with migraines and energy level.
  • I’m going to get outside every day.
  • I’m going to exercise every day that I don’t have a migraine, even though it’s dark.

A big issue with exercise is it can trigger migraines. I mean, it’s hard enough, right? To get your butt out there and exercise? Without thinking it could cause a migraine. So I’m going to exercise every day that I’m not actively treating an existing migraine. Yes, I’ll probably trigger a few extra migraines that I might not have gotten otherwise. But I’ve got to exercise.

I’m exhausted after work and it’s dark and I don’t exercise. I don’t even do my dishes. I just sit on the couch and read magazines. Then in the morning, instead of exercising, I do my dishes and chores that I should have done the previous evening.

On Friday I was talking to a coworker who is my age (at least), and she bicycles 12 miles to work. 12 miles each way! That’s 24 miles. Ok…fine. She’s a biker. Well then it turns out she also swims a mile at lunchtime. That’s 70 laps! She does it in 40 minutes! I’m like…damn. I need to get my shit together. I’ll never bike 24 miles and I can’t even swim one lap, much less 70. But maybe I could jog a couple of miles, slow?

I’ve put new alarms on my phone. I used to have just one, to get up at 6:00 in the morning, and I had the alarm titled something sappy like “grateful for this day”. Here’s my new alarms: