The crazy things I say to my dogs

The crazy things I say to my dogs:

“Who’s puking? Don’t eat it!”

“Aaak! Don’t drag your butt on my rug!”

“Stop eating shit! Shit is not food.”

“I don’t play ball when I’m on the toilet.”

“Hush, my frying pan is not the doorbell.”

“Gross! Don’t put your ball in my food.”

“I’m not getting up yet, I just gotta pee. It’s still dark out, go back to sleep.”

“I swear, I really don’t know where your ball is. You find it.”

“If you don’t chill out, you’re going to lick it right off!”

“Aak, what are you eating? There’s nothing to eat there.”

“Don’t pee on her head!”

“Were you digging my rug? You’re digging my rug, aren’t you? Don’t dig my rug.”

“Oh my god, I can’t breathe, who WAS that?”