Sci-fi lady lives on

My new home security system talks. I call her the sci-fi lady because of her weird voice. But that’s not the problem. The problem is she talks – at random times. Like when I’m on the phone in middle of a coaching session. Or worse yet, in middle of the night. About stupid things – apparently there is a bracket loose somewhere and she needs to tell me this at 4:17 AM. “Warning. Hallway. Warning. Smoke detector bracket loose.” How does the manufacturer of this modern marvel think this is somehow ok? In middle of the night?

So I turned the system off. But the next night, the sc-fi lady was still talking! Even though I had turned her off. She talks when off! So I was up and crashing around at 4 AM, trying to find the right plug to pull (she’s hidden in a cabinet behind a TV).  But then I wondered, if I unplugged her, would that would set the alarm off? Have you ever heard a house alarm go off? OMG.

I figured if I was going to end up standing in the front yard with my fingers in my ears apologizing profusely to angry neighbors, it would maybe be better if it were light out. Even better if I were dressed. Maybe even some coffee in my system. Maybe early morning is just not a good time for all that to happen.

So after work I called John for moral support, took a deep breath, sent up a quick prayer – and unplugged her. She glowed an angry red. She has a battery backup. She’s still alive! Now she’s going to guilt-trip me about her low batteries all night. “Warning. Batteries low. Please plug into electric outlet. Warning. Batteries low.”

So I took out her batteries, which required secret knowledge and a screwdriver. Now she’s laying in pieces on my dining room table.

John and I were joking – what if she’s still talking tonight? “Kristina. Why’d you remove my batteries? Kristina. Don’t you like me? I was only trying to be helpful. Kristina.”