struggling here

I’m so discouraged about my health (migraines) these past few weeks, and particularly this week. I had made so much progress this past year, I was practically cured!

First, when we moved back to New Mexico a little over a year ago, I used the move as a good time to start over with all the food in the house and go 100% organic. Cooking oil, condiments, tea, EVERYTHING. It made a big difference.

But it wasn’t until I moved to the rented casita in Santa Fe in September that I truly felt normal; better than I have in literally years. It was a very busy time, but I had lots of energy and felt well every day. It was delightful! I felt like a new person. I felt like I could do anything! New job! Coaching clients! No problem! But now I’m back to square one and I just can’t even stand it.

If you’ve never had a chronic illness, it’s hard to describe what it’s like to feel bad day after day. Everyone expects you to be cheerful and productive, because you look normal and it’s a regular day. People with a hidden, chronic illness do not get sympathy or special treatment like you would if you have a temporary cold or a flu or a broken arm or whatever. And if you did get special treatment all the time, you’d quickly become a drag on the system. Who wants to be that person? I don’t.

For me, anything that triggers my immune system, such as allergies or fighting a cold, will cause migraines.  Ever since Christmas – when my new house in Santa Fe was ready and we moved the dogs up here from Placitas – I’ve been miserable. Sick and crying and depressed and exhausted. Plus this week is worse, because everyone at work is fighting a cold, including me. And that causes migraines too.

But what am I going to do? When I got my dogs I had no idea I might be allergic – I don’t have any “hay fever” type allergies to pets – so I couldn’t tell.  Plus I’ve got no-shedding dogs! Poodles don’t even shed. And there’s a lot of things in the world that will trigger my immune system to go into gear, so I had migraines before I got dogs. I just had no idea they could make it worse. And I think I must have developed the allergy over time, because I don’t remember any obvious change in my health when I got Kai (my first dog).

But my health has been gradually getting worse for a lot of years (with occasional reprieves) and I just didn’t realize the difference my dogs made until I suddenly did not have them for 3 months. It was the healthiest three months I’ve experienced in a long time.

I’ve actually suspected I’m allergic to the dogs for a couple of years. When I quit my Sandia job in early 2106 and started working from home, my migraines got worse rather than better, so I suspected it had something to do with my home.

I’ve tried restricting the dogs to only one part of the house. But I don’t know for sure if that helps any, and John’s very resistant to that. He wants to hang out on the couch with them. What’s the point of having dogs if you can’t hang out with them? They need attention. Plus, in my house in Santa Fe, we put the doggie door in the master bedroom, because you can’t get to the backyard from the office.

The fact is, I’ve got 3 dogs and I’ve had them a long time and I’m very attached to them. Two of them are seniors and there’s no way I’m rehoming my dogs. Maybe John could keep them in Placitas, but that’s my house too and we spend every weekend together. And he travels a lot for his job and can’t really be dealing with dogs all the time.

One thing I can do is try to figure out what about my dogs is setting off my immune system. I’m not particularly hopeful, but I’m going to look into trying to cure their chronic eye irritation. It’s common for poodles to have goopy eyes, but one of my dogs has it really bad. I’ve taken him to multiple vets, and they all say the same thing. They say it’s not an infection, that it’s allergies, and there’s not much I can do about it.

But I’m not convinced. When I got my other two poodles, neither one of them had problems with their eyes. It seemed like over time they both got it from my first dog, who continues to have it the worst. I’m thinking – if it’s contagious, then it’s not an allergy. I’m going to try a topical antibiotic, and see if that helps the dogs any. Who knows, maybe if they are more healthy, I will be more healthy. Although I don’t have any problems with my own eyes, so it’s hard to imagine there is a connection. I’m always coming up with these crazy theories, trying to figure out how to keep my migraines away.

I’m sorry to be such a downer. It’s just that I’ve been on migraine meds for several days straight. I went to the doctor yesterday and my blood pressure was sky high (a side effect of the migraine meds). They’re probably going to want to put me on blood pressure meds (which I’ve been on before), but the blood pressure meds directly counteract the migraine meds, so they make it harder for me to control the migraines.

If you care to know – the mechanism for that is simple. During a migraine, the blood vessels in the brain are dilated. So the migraine meds counter that by constricting the blood vessels. As the blood vessels constrict, there’s less room for your blood volume, so your blood pressure goes up. Blood pressure medicines dilate blood vessels, providing more room for your blood volume, lowering your blood pressure. So I’m going to take something that dilates my blood vessels simultaneously with taking something that constricts them?

I’m just so worn down and exhausted. It’s Saturday, and I really wanted to visit my friend, and clean my house, and wash my windows, and go for a jog, and cook something for John, and post all my blog posts (I’ve got about 10 of them in draft). But I like my blog posts to be funny and interesting and cheerful, and that is not possible when I’m exhausted and crying.