Stop and smile

I’m getting some subtle and not-so-subtle feedback at work that I’m “working too hard” or “shouldn’t stress it” and that “things take time”.

I doubt that it’s the actual hard work that’s bothering people. I suspect it’s that when I get goal oriented and task focused, I forget to smile enough. I walk too fast down the hall. I’m too direct. I forget to stop and talk about Christmas cookies.

Apparently I blew off one of my very favorite coworkers yesterday – and I don’t even remember doing it! He says it was like I didn’t even recognize him. I just kept walking. Awww! I’m so sorry. And I’m so glad he said something about it today, so I could try to make it right.

I actually probably didn’t recognize him yesterday. I’m nearsighted, but I can’t see my papers and computer with my glasses on, so I’m constantly walking around with them pushed up on top of my head instead of in front of my eyes, helping me see in the distance. But that’s no excuse. I should be greeting people regardless of whether I immediately realize who they are or not.

To make things worse, there’s a gender bias in our culture where being direct and action-oriented is seen as a strength in a male manager, but not in a woman – people just don’t like it. It feels stressful and unfriendly to them.

So the office wants me to slow down a little. Be softer. Smile more. Laugh things off like it doesn’t matter. Make more eye contact and more chit chat. Sigh. Ok folks, I’ll try.

My group’s got a shit-ton to accomplish and the broken processes I inherited all need revamped, like, yesterday. This group was flat out failing when I started here less than 3 months ago, and we’ve barely begun to get back on track. The work is not getting done!

But fine, it’s Christmas. I’ll talk about cookies and frost on the windshield. And your poor old cat, and your sister’s family. We will take the time to connect.

Because really, it was for you that I went back to work. All of you are why I sent in that application in the first place. It wasn’t about all the work this department was failing to accomplish. I didn’t even know about that. All I knew was that offices are full of people who like to talk about Christmas cookies, and I missed that. And I’ll try not to forget it.

And I also know that in addition to the traffic and the presents to be wrapped and all the usual trials of the season, some of you are also quietly facing bigger things. At least two of you who are close to me have lost parents within the last couple of months. Someone else is facing bankruptcy and other is hiding an impending divorce. Many are struggling to deal with relatives who are hurting and angry about politics and internal family dynamics. And then there’s been all those disasters in the news.

So yep. You’re right. The work will get done eventually. Some of it won’t ever get done. Meanwhile, sometimes that smile can mean a lot.