It’s critter season

I’ll bet you never had this phone conversation with your spouse.

(Ring, ring)

John: Hello?

Me: Hon, can you come out here and get the mouse off my windshield? I don’t want to drive into the garage with it up there.

John: Where are you?

Me: In the driveway. I don’t want to pull into the garage because there’s a mouse on my windshield and I don’t want it in the garage. Can you get it off my windshield please?

John: What? A mouse?

Me: Yes, definitely a mouse, long tail, I must have picked it up when I stopped at the other house to get the UPS package. Can you come out here?

John: Your windshield?

Me: Yes, it’s been running around on my wipers for 3 blocks now. I don’t want to drive it into the garage, can you just deal with it please?

John: On the inside or the outside?

Me: On the outside, thankfully, but I still nearly ran off the road, it keeps running back and forth. Can you just come out here?

John: Is it still there? Did you get a picture?

Me: I don’t know, it might have jumped off just now, but I don’t want it in the garage, and NO I DIDN’T GET A PICTURE, IT’S DARK AND I WAS TRYING TO DRIVE.

(Then, 8:00 the next morning. It’s a lazy Saturday morning.)

Me: I’m getting up to get my coffee.

John: ok

(one minute later)

Me: Hon, there’s a lizard in the dining room.

John: What?

Me: A lizard in the dining room. Can you get it, please?

John: A lizard?

Me: Yes. Lizard. In the dining room. And it’s all photographed and ready to go. Don’t let the dogs eat it.

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