Greed or Guilt?

Greed, guilt, or just plain fear? I’m noticing I’m really stressing about buying rentals, and trying to make the best choices with the funds. Trying to avoid tax pitfalls and maximize returns…to the point where I’m getting insomnia. And I’m wondering why that is? Why am I not simply grateful for what we have? Why don’t I just make a good guess and go for it?

I think part of it is guilt. I’ve always worked very hard in life. I was a single parent while working, going to school, and earning both a master’s degree in environmental science and a certification in life coaching. For many years I worked in 2 careers simultaneously, environmental planning and life coaching.

Now I’m only working part-time as a life coach. I don’t make that much money anymore, compared to when I was working 2 jobs. Meanwhile, John is working very hard. I worry about him. His health isn’t perfect. We’re both getting older. I feel like I should be doing as much as I can; doing my part by investing this money wisely.

I want him to be able to retire while his health is still good, before he ruins his health working too hard. But with the health care system so messed up in this country, how can we even guess how much we’ll be spending on health care?

Guilt – John works harder than I do. Guesswork – the inscrutability of the future. Grateful – to not have to work as hard as I used to. Grateful – to be in New Mexico again. Grateful – to be able to coach my clients. Greed? What is that, really? How do we ever know when enough is enough, and when wanting becomes wanting too much?

One thing I think I will do, is lower my coaching rates a little bit. My rates seemed normal in California. In fact, they were normal in California. But my perspective is different now that I’m back in New Mexico. Of course my clients are mostly in California (and New York and Boston), which is possible because I work over the phone with them.  But still, I’m here now, in New Mexico. Maybe my rates can reflect that, to some degree at least.

At my request, John spent this evening building a spreadsheet to try to estimate this final leg of our working life prior to retirement. How long do we have to work? How hard do we have to work? How many rentals or other investments do we need? Do I need to accept more clients, or go back into my environmental career? I’ve run spreadsheets before myself, and now I’m looking forward to seeing his.

We hope to go hiking on Mt. Taylor tomorrow and we can talk about it then. It’s our little mini-trip since we canceled our 4-day backpacking trip; being too busy working.