Describing Contentment

On Saturday, John and I spent much of the day pulling weeds. It was a beautiful day and I enjoyed the Zen-like activity outdoors. It was relaxing and meditative. It’s not that often that John and I get to work together, side-by-side. We vacation together, but we generally split up the work, for efficiency.

As we weeded quietly together, I attempted to describe a sense of contentment with my life, that is not necessarily obvious from watching me running from project to project. I’m always trying to improve things, so I don’t think I always come across as very content (a clear example being yesterday’s post about how I’ve had it, we have to move!)

Yet, I feel like I have lived a full life, and if I were to die tomorrow it would be ok, because I would consider myself one of the lucky ones. Not that I want to die tomorrow, of course. But I feel like I’ve somehow been given enough, and I would not begrudge the universe if that’s all I get.

It’s a hard concept to describe in our language. To say, “I don’t need to live any longer” or “I wouldn’t mind if I were to die” makes it sound like I am completely dissatisfied with life and don’t want it to continue. Yet, what I was trying to describe is the opposite – I am very satisfied. Entirely satisfied. I’ve had all that I would expect from life, and actually much more. And I am grateful.

I have gotten to do so much in 50 years.

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